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Men, are you physically affectionate with other male friends? (eg, hugging, snuggling, playful wrestling, etc). If you aren't, do you wish it was more socially acceptable if it isn't in your culture?
I do, too, but I’ll take a good hug from anyone I know and care about. I’ve noticed my male friends who are black seem to add a hug into a handshake far far, far more often than my white male friends. In fact, other than my oldest friend, I don’t think any of my white male friends have ever hugged me.
I’m becoming more comfortable with shoulder pats n shit, hugs too. Wrestling isn’t my jam anymore. Gimme a dagorhir sword, or some other foam sword and let’s have a no-holds-barred swashbuckle.
No, it’s not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were. I don’t know if I’d go for full on snuggling but I come from a physically affectionate family and in general wish people were more comfortable with that kind of thing
I go for the hug when I see friends I haven’t seen in a long time, or when I’m parting ways with someone I know I won’t see for a while. But it’s definitely not a regular occurrence
I mentioned in my other reply that my hiking group hugs when we meet, which started as a joke when the women did, then stuck. Now, when someone new joins you can feel the emotion of missing out when they arrive, and the acceptance when it happens as they leave.
Next time a mixed gender group meets, and the women hug the women and men, etc, start a ridiculous laugh and pretend to hug one of the dudes. If he does, you may have started a trend.
No, it’s not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were.
Like, does this mean you are afraid of other people you don’t know judging you, or that you or your friends find it socially unacceptable?
Either way that seems to be more of an individual problem rather than a social one. I am physically affectionate with my friends and have never been confronted about it by a member of the public , not that I would really care if I were. People be dumb, I’m not going to let someone else’s projected homophobia dictate my friendship.
That’s a good view. You’d be surprised who is down for a hug, though.
My friend group usually goes for the handshake hug. This led to things like when someone is having a hard time we hug it out.
We also compliment each other a lot. It’s nice. Some of these guys didn’t get compliments until our group started doing it to each other. You can watch someone who doesn’t get a lot of compliments change their body language from closed off to confident just by letting them know you like their shirt or that their haircut looks great.
Start easy with the handshake back pat. Easing into it can overcome some of the awkwardness that causes people to shy away from physical contact. Not everyone will be down for it, and you’re right that consent is key. Maybe it won’t work, but you’re not out anything by giving it a shot.
I started going to raves shortly after high school in the late 90s. The culture is all about love. I hug all of my friends (male or female) when I see them. I tell them as often as possible that I love them too.
I’m a big hugger. I wish that there was more affection between men, I often worry I’m making other men uncomfortable and then in turn I get uncomfortable about it. The whole thing makes me far more stressed than I wish it did honestly.
There’s one guy in my little group of friends who is an unapologetic hugger, even though the rest of us don’t really hug he’ll always hug everyone goodbye. I’d say it’s possible some guys don’t enjoy it, but I actually really appreciate it about him, it’s nice getting a hug and sometimes I really need one.
For anyone who really doesn’t like it they can always offer their hand first, but on behalf of all the guys who need a little affection from their buds sometimes I wanna say thanks for being there for the friends who need it. Even if they never say so I’m sure some of them appreciate it.
I’ve been watching Bridgerton lately and it took me too long to realize that “offering their hand” meant handshake.
Like, how is proposing less familiar than hugging?
My sister’s partner is like that. His whole family is the same, from what I could see. It’s not as natural for me, despite my family not being particularly cold either. It’s a me problem, though, so IMHO it shouldn’t deter you. Keep normalizing that shit.
Somewhat. Hugging yes, snuggling no, playful wrestling when certain friends are particularly drunk.
Yes, I do wish it was more socially acceptable
Frodo and Sam should be fucking role models, especially the book versions who were even more deeply close than the films.
I mean, honestly, for fantasy, the entire Lord of the Rings series is replete with strong men expressing emotion in healthy ways to deal with the horrors of what they were facing. They sing deeply loving songs for fallen comrades, notably Boromir even after he makes a grave mistake, already forgiven, while giving him the best of funerals they can (In their song for Boromir, Aragorn even calls Boromir beautiful[^1]). They cry for one another and feel great distress at the suffering of those in their fellowship. They carry each others’ burdens up to Sam literally carrying Frodo up Mount Doom. Anyway, they weren’t unwilling to show physical affection or speak highly of another’s beauty.
[^1]: “His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest,” In every context of Toklein using the word “fair” in LOTR, it has been taken to mean “beautiful.”
It was really interesting to watch. I know Tolkien didn’t write the entire series as a reflection of WW1, but while watching longer clips of WW1 british soldiers (particularly in non-combat scenarios), I was struck at just how playful and affectionate they were with each other, even POWs that they were relaxing with or sometimes, playing with. In some sense, I feel like the culture around physical affection was just a bit different back then, and people were less guarded. Feels like some of that seeps into Tolkien’s books :)
Hugging and play fighting, sure, but can't say I've snuggled with the lads (or girl friends either for that matter) - feels more intimate, like something you'd do with a loved one (or a pet).
Drunk me might lean a bit more towards leaning or pushing against the lads, but that's always playful and jokesy rather than sincere as your post implies
I find it really interesting, the juxtaposition between pets and humans, sometimes even at the same events. Awkward huggers will get down there and really be physically affectionate with pets and competent at it, too. It always warms my heart, but also makes me wish society was just a bit more relaxed sometimes. Pets can be the instigators of play in a great way, but it also makes me wonder if people are missing opportunities to form stronger connections to friends and family members.
Yup, it depends on the person but at least in my life many male friends are physically affectionate. Admittedly some of these are affectionate via general sparring, which started in our teens and never went away.
I don't do that with anybody, normally. People of all genders will sometimes give you a hug here if it's been a while or if they're happy to see you. Cheek kissing is mostly a women thing, though.
I dislike touching people or being touched. Not that I have a phobia is suffer from, I just don’t like it and try to avoid it when possible. So no, I am not physically affectionate with other friends (male or female alike).
Before there was a pandemic, touching people for welcome or goodbye was common (i.e “shaking hands”). But fortunately this is no longer the case. There are still some disrespectful and non-considerate persons around who want to touch you just to say hello, but they’re in the minority.
While I don’t really care if it’s socially acceptable or not I found it far too awkward to hug other people for the longest time, even close friends. I have opened up to it more in the last few years but I still don’t just hug someone without asking their consent first.