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I don't enjoy it when people compliment me. Why could it be?

Not to brag but I’m a pretty confident person in my social circle. I’m funny, make people laugh etc. etc.

Basically, I am adored by everybody.

But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.

However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I’m not present. I, again, don’t feel anything when people talk shit about me when I’m not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.

Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don’t see anything bad about this.

It’s also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?

thezeesystem ,

From my own past and trauma, in my personal experience it’s because my parents, family, ex friends/ partners that whenever they complimented me it’s always because it’s not true but instead they used it to manipulate me into doing something.

So whenever someone compliments me my brain automatically suspects there trying to harm me, even if I know that’s not rational.

Quintus OP ,
@Quintus@lemmy.ml avatar

While I did not go through any kind of things that you have, though I did meet a few people who tried to use my own abilities against me in order to feel above me, sometimes I do suspect if the compliments I’m getting are genuine or not. I just toss those kind of thoughts away immediately. Most of the time it doesn’t even come to suspecting the compliments. I disregard them.

chumbalumber ,

Just move to the UK. This is the norm.

Inability to take a compliment is tied to the general cultural dislike of ‘people who get above themselves’. Arrogance is the cardinal sin, and so in receiving a compliment you either a) accept it (meaning you agree with them that you’re great, which is a sign of arrogance!) or b) deny it (false modesty! A sign of even greater arrogance!). The only acceptable response is to sputter and turn red with embarrassment.

Syn_Attck ,

Yes, yes, more ways to take down the British system of order by chaos. Feed me more information!!!

Excuse me, hi, you have a spot on your shirt. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to cut to the front of the line, my dog has a vet appointment tomorrow.

samc ,
@samc@feddit.uk avatar

How bloody dare you!

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

I thought I was the only one who’s like this.

Now I think I’m the only one in my country who’s like this.

Quintus OP ,
@Quintus@lemmy.ml avatar

Despite my overall independent nature I find the thought of someone out there being just like me comforting.

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

Same.

muddi ,

Sounds like you might enjoy people being honest to you rather than enjoying compliments or criticism. Criticism is more blunt when said to someone’s face, but compliments can seem disingenuous, so maybe you don’t believe the compliments subconsciously

monsterpiece42 ,

I’m thinking self worth issues.

In another comment you said you are egoist. Fair, but a lot of people with self worth issues cope by essentially talking themselves up (or tearing others down) internally. Can you elaborate on how you feel like you’re “a disgusting egoist”?

Syn_Attck ,

It’s possible that it is a self-worth issue and lack of self-love. Overconfidence is a defence mechanism, and not being able to take compliments is a sign that you don’t truly, deep down, believe people are being honest about them.

However it can be quite complex and let’s say you have trust issues… an example is, let’s say you didn’t get many real compliments and were bulled in school and every time you wore a ratty shirt or didn’t brush your hair, your bully ‘complemented’ it in front of others. Now you’re primed to distrust complements and believe on a subconscious level that they are malicious.

Compliments are often used as a way to manipulate people, so if you’ve dealt with a manipulator before, now genuine comments may trigger you to have your guard up… not an easy place to be when trying to genuinely accept compliments.

interdimensionalmeme ,

First of, compliments are flattery, watch out they are trying to manipulate you !

Second, they are simply mistaken if they knew the truth they wouldn’t say that.

Third, they at least have poor taste and judgement if they thing I’m good or have done sonething good

Fourth, I cannot respect someone who would compliment me, they must be a huge loser with no friends to think that.

If you suffer this reasonning, I am sorry to say but there is an evil demon living inside your soul. You must catch it and send it back to hell for your sake and the sake of everyone tgat loves. Yes, they exist.

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