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I don't enjoy it when people compliment me. Why could it be?

Not to brag but I’m a pretty confident person in my social circle. I’m funny, make people laugh etc. etc.

Basically, I am adored by everybody.

But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.

However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I’m not present. I, again, don’t feel anything when people talk shit about me when I’m not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.

Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don’t see anything bad about this.

It’s also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?

ada ,
@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’m an extrovert, and I was a gifted kid. I haven’t been gaslit about my abilities, and I was supported and encouraged as a kid. I know what I’m capable of, and I know my limitations. I love myself, and wouldn’t choose to be anyone else.

Yet I hate compliments.

To me, compliments feel like someone passing judgement on me, like they’re putting themselves in a place above me so they can judge me. I’m aware that’s not what they’re doing, but that’s always been what it feels like to me.

However, you can compliment things I’ve done, and I’m here for it

I have no idea what it means :)

Quintus OP ,
@Quintus@lemmy.ml avatar

I’m an extrovert, and I was a gifted kid. I haven’t been gaslit about my abilities, and I was supported and encouraged as a kid. I know what I’m capable of, and I know my limitations. I love myself, and wouldn’t choose to be anyone else.

I’m the exact same. Well, perhaps saying “exact” is too much. Let’s just say “similar” instead. I love myself so much.

To me, compliments feel like someone passing judgement on me, like they’re putting themselves in a place above me so they can judge me. I’m aware that’s not what they’re doing, but that’s always been what it feels like to me.

While I personally think they aren’t judging me, I sometimes feel like I’m doing exactly what you have described when I compliment people. I try to compliment people whenever I can in order to make them feel good and while it works, I feel like I’m above them for doing so.

ada ,
@ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

While I personally think they aren’t judging me, I sometimes feel like I’m doing exactly what you have described when I compliment people. I try to compliment people whenever I can in order to make them feel good and while it works, I feel like I’m above them for doing so.

Yep, I struggle giving compliments for the same reason! So I give compliments in the way I can receive them, which is to compliment the things that people have said/done or are planning etc, rather than complimenting the person.

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

I thought I was the only one who’s like this.

Now I think I’m the only one in my country who’s like this.

Quintus OP ,
@Quintus@lemmy.ml avatar

Despite my overall independent nature I find the thought of someone out there being just like me comforting.

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

Same.

intensely_human ,

There is practically zero actual benefit to anyone from people complimenting one another. Perhaps you are made nervous by the waste of energy when we could be working 24/7 to build our AI overlords.

Quintus OP ,
@Quintus@lemmy.ml avatar

Of course! Who doesn’t want an AI overlord looming over us all the time? Even the thought excites…

interdimensionalmeme ,

First of, compliments are flattery, watch out they are trying to manipulate you !

Second, they are simply mistaken if they knew the truth they wouldn’t say that.

Third, they at least have poor taste and judgement if they thing I’m good or have done sonething good

Fourth, I cannot respect someone who would compliment me, they must be a huge loser with no friends to think that.

If you suffer this reasonning, I am sorry to say but there is an evil demon living inside your soul. You must catch it and send it back to hell for your sake and the sake of everyone tgat loves. Yes, they exist.

monsterpiece42 ,

I’m thinking self worth issues.

In another comment you said you are egoist. Fair, but a lot of people with self worth issues cope by essentially talking themselves up (or tearing others down) internally. Can you elaborate on how you feel like you’re “a disgusting egoist”?

chumbalumber ,

Just move to the UK. This is the norm.

Inability to take a compliment is tied to the general cultural dislike of ‘people who get above themselves’. Arrogance is the cardinal sin, and so in receiving a compliment you either a) accept it (meaning you agree with them that you’re great, which is a sign of arrogance!) or b) deny it (false modesty! A sign of even greater arrogance!). The only acceptable response is to sputter and turn red with embarrassment.

Syn_Attck ,

Yes, yes, more ways to take down the British system of order by chaos. Feed me more information!!!

Excuse me, hi, you have a spot on your shirt. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to cut to the front of the line, my dog has a vet appointment tomorrow.

samc ,
@samc@feddit.uk avatar

How bloody dare you!

Syn_Attck ,

It’s possible that it is a self-worth issue and lack of self-love. Overconfidence is a defence mechanism, and not being able to take compliments is a sign that you don’t truly, deep down, believe people are being honest about them.

However it can be quite complex and let’s say you have trust issues… an example is, let’s say you didn’t get many real compliments and were bulled in school and every time you wore a ratty shirt or didn’t brush your hair, your bully ‘complemented’ it in front of others. Now you’re primed to distrust complements and believe on a subconscious level that they are malicious.

Compliments are often used as a way to manipulate people, so if you’ve dealt with a manipulator before, now genuine comments may trigger you to have your guard up… not an easy place to be when trying to genuinely accept compliments.

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