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People who had a quarter-life crisis in their 20's, did you do right to stress?

Without going into too much detail…

  • 21
  • Dropped out of Uni (ie. I’ve started falling behind ‘the pack’)
  • Still living with my parents (have lived alone for periods)
  • Frustrated, have been repeating the same mistakes and life is currently going in a loop.
  • Not fully settled on a specific career
  • Thinking of a couple of nuclear options I could try to move things on.

I want to know if I have reason to stress or if I should just give it time and enjoy the ride. Seeing as any sort of renewed degree-pursuing will eat up another several years starting anew from square one.

Edit: Thanks for all of this life advice everyone. It is genuinely really reassuring

OceanSoap ,

Dude, you’re barely in your 20s. You’re fine.

If you continue with the school route, do it for the least amount of $$ you can.

I dropped out of art school at 21, and got my AA at 37. Finally have an actual “career” now.

PerogiBoi ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

I’m 29 and work with people in their 40’s and up. None of them have their shit together.

The idea that you must have a fully set career and planned life in your 20s is a conspiracy and a scam made to make you feel less-than and worse.

Beat em. Live life at the pace it comes to ya. Don’t think about where you should be. There is no should. Society is a game of dress up and everyone is a nervous ape that just wants be to loved.

dan1101 ,

Yeah the best thing I can say is play as much as you work but also be kind to your future self. Do things today to make your life better in the future. That can be anything from washing the dishes to starting a retirement account. I say start a retirement account because compound interest and decades until you retire is a powerful combination and no matter what you do, more money can usually help.

caudatecoder ,

wow, that last sentence is pure poetry

PerogiBoi ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

tank u

SubArcticTundra OP ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Thanks. Ugh, I wish my (grand)parents & surroundings realized this

PerogiBoi ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

We’re all products of our environments. That’s just the environment they grew up in. It’s tough.

RoquetteQueen ,
@RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works avatar

I dropped out of high school at 17 and went to college (which I think is the same as a community college in the US? Not a full four-year degree) when I was 24 for programming. Worked as a programmer for a couple years and then got bored and went into agriculture for a couple years. Now I’m bored again and looking at going back to school for something else. I’m 33 and I’m doing fine. 21 is so young! You have lots of time to figure yourself out. Honestly I think asking 18-year-olds to decide what they want to do forever is ridiculous. Almost nobody knows themselves that well that young. I’m still figuring out what I want in life.

SubArcticTundra OP ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

It’s so cool that you are switching careers like that. Do you have kids? Do you have to save up money to live off of during the bits where you go back to school again?

RoquetteQueen ,
@RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works avatar

Two kids. I live in Canada and have a disability so I don’t have to pay for school, which I know is a big advantage. I paid for my first diploma myself, though, without any loans or grants. I worked through high school and of course after and saved the money. I also got married (and had no wedding) and we used the gift money to pay for school. Had our first kid while living with my grandmother and paying her mortgage for her. I was 30 when I finally moved out into my own place. Before that we lived with my grandmother, before that my inlaws, and before that with my dad.

I took the long road but I have a house now and that mortgage is my only debt.

tsonfeir , (edited )
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

Currently in the midst of a midlife crisis, I laugh at your quarter life crisis. You have no idea what crisis is. Here’s my take:

Edit: unintentional ‘gatekeeping.’

Life is short. Try not to make too many dumb decisions. Stay away from hard drugs and alcohol. Try your best to find a career that you actually like doing. Understand that your mental health is important. It’s OKAY to ask for mental help—don’t wait until you’re 40 to find that out.

Don’t worry about living with your parents. Be happy you still have them. If Uni isn’t right for you now, you can go later or not at all. If you have nuclear options… do it now. Do it while you still have a fallback plan.

Oh and, stay out of debt. That’s how they keep you a slave. Houses and education can be exceptions, but if you don’t have the CASH to buy the THING, you don’t get the THING.

Xer0 ,

You have no idea what crisis is.

Jesus bro. Gatekeeping much?

SkyezOpen ,

You call that gatekeeping? I’ll show you real gatekeeping!

tsonfeir ,
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

Gatekeeping was not the intention, but on a scale of normal to crisis, their concerns are pretty darn normal. Most people have a lot of the same feelings. I’m not sure this deserved a “Jesus bro” moment.

SubArcticTundra OP ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Thank you. I like how advice-dense this is

stevecrox ,

There will always be someone who is beating you in a metric (buying houses, having kids, promotions, pay, relationships, etc..) fixating on it will drive you mad.

Instead you should compare your current status against where you were and appreciate how you are moving forward

As for age

During university my best mate was 27 who dropped out of his final year, grabbed a random job, then went to college to get a BTEC so they could start the degree.

It was similar in my graduate intake, we had a 26 year old who had been a brickie for 5 years before getting a comp sci degree.

The first person I line managed was a junior 15 years older than me, who had a completely different career stream. They had the house, kids, had managed big teams, etc.. honestly I learnt tons from them.

SubArcticTundra OP ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

This is encouraging to hear. I’m actually considering applying to a degree apprenticeship. I only found out about them recently but they seem to combine the best of both worlds

Nemo ,

I didn’t stress. I avoided stress. When my classes got too stressful I stopped going. When paying for school got too stressful I dropped out. When working my shitty computer tech job got too stressful I went down to part-time and started falling behind on rent. When I lost the apartment, telling my family was too stressful so I just became homeless for a while.

That was the crisis. That was the lowest point.

Maybe tolerating just a little more stress would have been good for me.

SubArcticTundra OP , (edited )
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

I can relate to this. I have (as of yet) uncured ADHD and back when I was living alone, I didn’t manage to find a flat in time when the contract on my old one finished, because apparently searching for flats online isn’t a simulating activity. Welp, if you ever do find yourself spending a night in a disabled restroom, a coat does not make a good blanket.

adam_y ,
@adam_y@lemmy.world avatar

I just want to add some context as a person that’s going grey.

You are still incredibly young in your 20s. There’s still so much time left for you.

It’s the ideal time to drop out. Think things over and find some purpose or direction.

Or not.

So much is made about knowing your course in life, when often learning to drift the right way can be far more enjoyable.

So yeah, not exactly a call to hedonism, but try to find what you enjoy and where your ambition lies then make positive steps to get there.

SubArcticTundra OP , (edited )
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Mmm yes. Sometimes I wonder how bad it would really be if I quit everything and just started drifting without a plan. Because I think I currently have a subconscious bias that keeps pushing me towards higher paying jobs and the security (but stress & monotony) that comes with them. It would certainly pop a few illusions in my head.

velox_vulnus ,
  • 23 y/o
  • Graduated 2022 with CS with shitty grades
  • Unskilled, struggling to learn tech-stack
  • Still jobless, stopped applying about a year ago
  • Still living with parents
  • No friends, no partners
  • Quit all social media, except Lemmy, where I’m anonymous
  • Have a bunch of medical issues, but can’t afford
  • Stuck in the world’s most populous country, where employers are disposable and paid shitty wages
  • No insurance, no security, no land, no place to call home
SubArcticTundra OP ,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

I feel you bro

raccoona_nongrata ,
@raccoona_nongrata@beehaw.org avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    SubArcticTundra OP ,
    @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

    The thing to understand about your twenties is you’re afforded the ability to make mistakes and experiment, to take risks.

    Ah, thanks for reminding me about this. I started stressing when I noticed I’d started falling behind my peers progression-wise. But yes I need to, and have time to, experiment

    Ubettawerk ,

    I also dropped out very early. Struggled with that disappointment for a long time. Moved in with my SO’s parents and lived with them for years!

    We moved out and got a rental when I was 25. I’m 29 now and working on my career in banking. Started exercising the last couple years and have been keeping up with it consistently. I feel like it was only in the last few years that I felt I was making progress but really needed some optimism to keep going. You just never know what’s going to change your life around. Try to improve yourself in any way you can and sometimes that can help you change your trajectory

    SubArcticTundra OP ,
    @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

    Yes, I just realized recently that it’s not just degrees that make you useful to people, it can also be knowing a ton of small, niche skills – and learning those can be more flexible.

    eupraxia ,
    @eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    Yep absolutely!

    For me, it felt like my life was quickly progressing away from a youth I was not ready to leave for inexplicable reasons. In the end I ended up taking a nuclear option once I realized how uncomfortable I was with my future, and while it’s not been easy it’s been absolutely worth it.

    Even though you may be stuck in the same habits and mistakes, they can be rewritten and you’ll be surprised how quickly life changes once you find what makes you authentically happy. A lot can happen in 3 years and I guarantee you’ll still be young at 24. You can still be young at twice that. There’s a lot of life ahead of you, especially once you take calculated risks to improve your future and make the most of the youth you still have. You may not know what exactly will make you happy, but trust in yourself and your judgement to find it as you go.

    SubArcticTundra OP ,
    @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

    Oh wow, you read my mind! Yes, I don’t feel ready to move on from my youth just yet because I feel it was deficient in a few things (especially with the 2 years lost to COVID). I’m quite tempted to just say f**k to career development, move out to the city where my childhood friends live, get a minimum wage job, and just spend some time with them for a bit. Just to meet the needs of my current self, now.

    Perhapsjustsniffit ,

    I went to uni right out of highschool. Became a paramedic. Has a good career but it just wasn’t what I wanted. By 25 I quit and was travelling doing odd jobs or whatever I could. Meeting people, seeing places. It wasn’t easy but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve been many places, done many things, met so many interesting people and completely changed my world view from when I was 20 because of it all.

    I say don’t let society tell you what is right or normal. Find your own path. Do things you find interesting and don’t make your life about your work. Now I am old and have medical issues. I’ll be 50 this year. I’m glad I lived while I had the opportunity. It’s your life make it what you want it to be not someone else’s idea of life.

    SubArcticTundra OP ,
    @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

    This is reassuring. Thanks

    intensely_human ,

    Oh you’re always “right” to stress about life. Life is fucking hard, and full of problems, and if you aren’t neck deep in problems in your life it’s because you’re unconscious.

    But for that very same reason, you’re always “right” to skip the stress and just get on with the next task. If you have a hard time doing that, I suggest drawing a map of the meaning in your life.

    If you don’t know how to do that, look for a class called “Maps of Meaning” and watch it. It’s a free course, published on youtube. No homework or anything; just all the lectures videotaped and published on youtube.

    That one course has done more to make my life functional than anything else I’ve encountered.

    SubArcticTundra OP ,
    @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

    I’ll give it a watch. Sourcing meaning from the right things has indeed been one of my missteps in the past. Music sometimes inspires visions in my head, and my brain saw them as memories, except in the future and they gave me meaning. The bubble burst when I waited for them to happen/tried to make them happen, and they didn’t.

    Fudoshin ,
    @Fudoshin@feddit.uk avatar

    Thought I was having a quarter life crisis then at 40 realised - “Oh no, that’s just life”.

    It’s just bullshit and downhil all the way form birth til death.

    Get used to it.

    Scrath ,

    Thanks for the motivational speech

    Fudoshin ,
    @Fudoshin@feddit.uk avatar

    You’re welcome. My wisdom normally costs money but you can have that for free.

    electric_nan ,

    You’ll be fine. You are incredibly young. I just started over with a new career at 45. I have friends my age who are back in school. Maybe try not to have kids since that will make this all harder. But then again, have em if you want em.

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