There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

People who can don't get mad and just go with the flow, how do you do it?

Here recently it seems like everything just gets under my skin so quickly and easily. It’s not that I get mad and take it out on others, it’s just the fact that I’m constantly annoyed and stressed. Something as simple as the dogs tracking some mud through the house will just ruin my mood. I know some people who would just laugh it off and clean it up. Meanwhile I’ll get pissed that I didn’t wipe their feet and be mad the entire time I’m cleaning it up. This has nothing to do with the dogs, it just an example. Any number of seemingly insignificant things can trigger me like that. Like forgetting something at the store and having to go back. I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

space_comrade ,

Do these feelings of anger linger for long? Personally I’m like you in the sense that tiny inconveniences piss me off but I also drop those feelings pretty quickly and go on with my day, it’s like a very short spike of anger and then back to normal, I just kinda remind myself it’s not a huge deal and go on with my life. I think it’s healthy to feel the anger just don’t dwell on it for long.

Evia ,
@Evia@lemmy.world avatar

Everything that Salman said.

This sounds exactly like me and my partner: a small thing can ruin his day and it ruins my day because then I have to put up with his bad mood. What’s helped him was some intense solution-based therapy to address his shitty childhood as well as an awareness that several ‘bad’ things in a row is just a coincidence and not the world (his family) out to get him.

With our kids, I’m making sure to say ‘oh well’ and not fix it immediately everytime a mild frustration happens. They see their dad getting upset and have started to copy his behaviours so we’re trying to encourage them to just brush things off before they get stuck in the mindset.

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

420stalin69 ,

I pretend I’m in a zoo observing people, which I guess is called disassociation.

_edge ,

That sounds fun. Look at those apes hitting each other with stones. And nuclear bombs. How playful!

Camille ,
@Camille@lemmy.ml avatar

I never thought about dissociating this way :O I’ll give it a try next time I feel the meltdown coming

brobocop ,

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

GutsBerserk ,

I have this marvelous quote saved in my phone:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

  • Marcus Aurelius
lole ,

Being mad sucks. If something bad happens it sucks. If I’m mad about the bad thing that happened then I already got two things that suck. I like to minimize the suck.

Hazzia ,

The way you’ve phrased this sounds like this isn’t just your default state throughout your life. Is there maybe a much larger stressor that’s sapping your emotional energy and making your trigger shorter? If that’s the case, resolving your feelings around that stressor would probably be most effective.

You could also just be exhausted or burnt out, at which point the only way you can actually make things better is by getting a proper break. Obviously some people’s life circumstances don’t really allow for that, so any small changes of getting help where you can is recommended.

sooper_dooper_roofer ,

I simply project my reality onto my surroundings

AccountMaker ,

While reading Epectitus definitely helped (externals - out of your control; reactions - your choice, things don’t bother you, you bother yourself), and telling myself that I gain nothing out of anger (mostly lose from it), I ran out of fucks to give. Someone’s blocking the way? Just wait until I can pass them. My delivery is running late? Whatever, it’ll get there. I left the window open during heavy rain and everything is wet? Close the window and mop it.

In a world where nothing really matters, giving your undying attention to stupid things like these is just absurd. Who’s watching your reactions so that you have to put on a show?

But as someone said, it takes practice. Being mindful, present, realizing that you’re getting angry, and then consciously thinking “ah whatever” and accepting it. Difficult at first, but as with any skill, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Spacehooks ,

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

RBWells ,

This sounds like you are stressed. In the particular example you give (I am a generally even tempered person, and having trouble with irritability today) I find exercise helps. Exhausting my body calms my mind.

If it’s a situation where the irritability is telling you something, like you are stressed because you are doing too much and the rest of your family doing too little, you may need to communicate that to them, to be able to fix it.

cashews_best_nut ,

Age. After 40 years I realised it’s not worth getting wound up about things. Every year I drop more and more ‘baggage’. Life is a lot easier when you let things go.

Similarly, experience. I’ve survived suicide attempts, close calls, addictions, fights, sickness and death. My meds being lost by the pharmacy is pretty minor compared to the epic time travel battle I had against God last year during a meth psychosis that resulted in my arrest and court. Experience adds perspective.

Meditation and noticing emotions don’t have to be acted upon. It’s on top feel something. It’s pointless trying to stop that feeling. What you can do is not act on that feeling. Raging at the idiot who pulled in front of you solves nothing.

Hanlon’s Razor: “don’t attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance”. The majority of times people ‘wrong’ you is due to ignorance. Not malice. One of the reasons why I find the obsession with labelling people “narcissist” a bit silly. They aren’t, they’re just wrapped up in their own bubble of problems. We all are.

Stoicism has many great lessons and quotes that are worth reflecting on over your lifetime. Let them percolate your soul and after many years you just become more stoic.

ZzyzxRoad ,

As someone of a similar age, I can definitely say this is not true for everybody.

Raging at the idiot who pulled in front of you solves nothing.

It’s not like we don’t know that. Otherwise OP wouldn’t have the self awareness to ask the question. It’s just an emotional reaction to people, situations, and actions that defy logic. I get angry at drivers when they do things that are not only blatantly selfish and inconsiderate, but dangerous and usually illegal (in SoCal that’s every few minutes). I don’t know about OP, but I’m not doing any “raging.” No one looking over at me would know I’m angry af, but I’m sitting there wondering how the US is filled with so many sociopathic freaks and why we’re all ok with the way we treat each other. And picturing what would happen had I done the same thing in traffic. A cop would materialize out of nowhere, or the other person would jump out of their car with a bat. But the people who cut me off? They never see any consequences, and if any one of them learns their lesson, there’s ten more willfully ignorant, dangerously stupid people to put everyone else at risk. I’m not attributing anything to malice. Cluelessness is so much worse, and people should be held accountable for not learning from their mistakes. Besides, being considerate, responsible, generally respectful, and empathetic does not require any extra education or intelligence (though it would certainly help). Somehow, the universe is totally fine with all of this, and so is everyone else. I was in a bad accident years ago because someone pulled right out in front of me, so I’ve lived through the consequences of some selfish prick valuing their two seconds of time over other people’s actual lives. If a teenager acted the way we act collectively, as a population, their parents would be told they have behavioral problems. You can not react all you want, but that doesn’t help anything going on under the surface. Mindfulness and stoicism is just living with the anger and stress instead of solving it. That’s why cognitive behavioral therapy is the only thing that will actually help it.

cashews_best_nut , (edited )

You can not react all you want, but that doesn’t help anything going on under the surface

Reacting also means any thoughts you may have. You reacted by thinking all of this:

It’s not like we don’t know that. Otherwise OP wouldn’t have the self awareness to […] behavioral problems.

That’s reacting. VERY reacting. Did it solve anything by reacting like that? Telling me all that? Does it fix your problem - the idiots on the road? No. What would fix the idiots on the road? Speaking to your political reps, volunteering or funding road safety charities.

Mindfulness and stoicism is just living with the anger and stress instead of solving it.

No it isn’t. I strongly urge you to study it more. Mindfulness is the first and very important step to realising emotions don’t rule you. You rule your emotions but most people manage their emotions badly. They fight or ignore them. That’s a bad idea because they don’t like being ignored, they come back x10. I’ve done DBT which is like CBT for emotional regulation and mindfulness is a key component. Mindfulness teaches you to detach from your emotional impulses and react more rationally. It’s a lot like CBT but it uses mindfullness to help you learn that fundamentally important fact: You are not your emotions.

You don’t ignore your anger, sadness, pain, etc with mindfulness, you embrace it.

Take meditation - pure mindfulness - you sit in silence with your eyes closed. Your arse hurts (pain), your back (pain), am I breathing right (anxiety)? I should focus on that (intention), fuck I’m bored (iritation), I’m tired (tired), maybe I should eat (bored/hunger), etc. The simplest, most basic activity you can do is immensely difficult for people to manage more than 5mins of. Why? Because you’re governed by your emotions, those drives and annoyances flooding you every few seconds. You realise your mind is noisy as hell but meditating/sitting silently teaches you that you aren’t those emotions.

From there it becomes easier to ‘pause’* your feelings and make a more rational and useful response. A response that gives catharsis.

*pause is the wrong word. You kindof ‘pause’ your inner state, step back, assess and act. It sounds overly complicated but like any skill it becomes second nature and instantaneous with practice. Meditation is a form of practice and living your daily life as mindfully as you can is practice.

Stoicism

Is basically CBT/DBT and mindfulness spat out in quote format. Having read the above maybe you’ll see that in these Marcus Aurelius quotes:

  • “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
  • “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” - thoughts, feelings, actions and speech are all different things. You can’t control your feelings but you can control your thoughts!
  • “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
  • “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” - to reference your comment: Instead of bitching about idiotic drivers: Be a better driver and do what you can to improve others driving.
  • “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
  • “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” - embrace your feelings, manage your thoughts.

Recommended Reading:

  • Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
  • Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life - Thích Nhất Hạnh
  • The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation - Thích Nhất Hạnh
  • Dhammapada
prole ,

I’m glad those quotes helped you, but to me they just look like vague platitudes. And I say this as someone who does not have trouble controlling their emotions.

pingveno ,

I would add to Hanlon’s Razor that not everything needs an intent behind it. Sometimes things just happen, good or bad, and you should take them as they come without worrying too much about whether someone has wronged you. A lot of people get wrapped up in conspiracy theory thinking because they have to have an explanation for everything, even if they have to invent shadowy organizations.

RememberTheApollo_ , (edited )

I don’t know.

There’s a lot of things I’ve stopped giving an emotional fuck about. One of the biggest drivers of that change is that I’ve realized that getting angry at someone or about something has pretty much a 100% failure rate in effecting the change I want to see. If anything it makes things worse. So taking several steps back, or just flat out walking away, is often the best choice. Especially if the issue has no real life benefit that necessitates dealing with it.

Note: that’s pretty much 100% of internet/social media interactions. That doesn’t mean I don’t engage, I do, just that stupidity shouldn’t go unchallenged. I don’t expect anyone to change, though.

That also doesn’t mean there aren’t things worth getting angry about as long as you can direct that anger into something constructive and beneficial, like getting your ass out to vote. Stepping up and participating in a protest against hateful people. Standing up to your employer in a strike so you can be treated, and paid, like you deserve to be.

It’s not easy to walk away. I lose the battle often enough and get wrapped up in the emotions far too often. Stress will make you stumble and fall into the anger trap. Being tired. Or just stupidity. You start wanting to be right instead of doing what is right. We all fuck up. Learn from it. Move on. Let more things go.

E: I guess this is more life in general rather than a muddy floor issue. People say “don’t sweat the little stuff”, but pretty often that’s the hardest to avoid. It’s the little things grinding at you day after day that wear you down, stress you out. Shitty work hours. Low pay. high rent. Noisy neighbors. Irritating co-workers. Sometimes breaking out of the rut can help. Take up a low-cost hobby, head to a gym, go walk or hike somewhere away from people. Allow your mind to take a break and reset if possible.

RinseDrizzle ,

It’s a combination of a few things. I’ve always been fairly chill, and I think these factors help further that zen.

Having a potent sense of humor makes it easy to laugh off anything from mundane to tragic. Always preferred to “laugh, so I don’t cry.” Easily my biggest coping mechanism.

Another good method I heard was this perspective exercise. When something irks you, stop and think “will I still be upset about this a week from now, month from now, year from now?” Usually the answer is no, I’ll have completely forgotten about this mild inconvenience. If it’s something I’ll be upset about a year out, then I’m justified being upset in the moment.

Finally, another tool of perspective is the cosmic absurdity of it all. Here we are, sharing this tiny mossy pebble of a space ship called Earth, in the middle of the goddamn boondocks of outer space. If this entire planet disappeared overnight, the universe at large wouldn’t even notice. For an inconceivable distance in every direction is a cosmic lifeless void. In the absolute grand scheme of things, all these little grievances are so insignificant. It’s insane that any of us are here. We’ll return to infinite nothingness soon enough. Take a deep breath, enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Idk maybe hit a joint once in a while too lol

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •