monkeytennis

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to nostupidquestions in How can I practice being more emotionally available as a man?

Coddling has the negative connotation - to consistently overprotect. Occasional spoiling is an entirely different and good thing.

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to nostupidquestions in Why, as a male, when emotionally do I only feel accepted by women but not by men?

You missed my point. I’m ignoring nothing, I’m suggesting OP seek out men who will be supportive, because they’re not hard to find.

I’m certain I could find studies as proof, but don’t we all already know this to be true?

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to nostupidquestions in Why, as a male, when emotionally do I only feel accepted by women but not by men?

Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can’t. It’s not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you’ll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to nostupidquestions in How can I practice being more emotionally available as a man?

I’ve been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it’s caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I’m still pretty reserved but a few things are different:

• I care a lot less about conforming to “ideals” or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
• When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they’re doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one’s reacted negatively to that, so far.
• With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don’t coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They’re still young, so we’ll see.
• During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I’ll ask about it and say I’m happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
• If someone asks how I am, I won’t lay it all out for them, but I’ll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they’ve been through similar. It’s never been awkward, and I’ve found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.

As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It’s interesting that you found the opposite. Anyway, I’ll stop there and wish you well!

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to workreform in Got laid off today.

That’s a very good idea. Hopefully I’ll never need it, but great advice.

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to workreform in there is Indeed a problem

Haha, yeah you might be onto something there. It felt like a way to pull the rug from under people to see how they cope, which wasn’t nice. I try to put people at ease in interviews, rather than try to catch them out.

I was ambushed with a “so, what do you do for fun?” once and the sudden context switch made me pause for so long that I must’ve seemed like I had no life outside of work 😬

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to workreform in there is Indeed a problem

The only possible use I could imagine, was to test how people respond to irrelevant stupid questions, since that happens a lot in some workplaces. Do they get frustrated and make it awkward, or shrug it off politely.

monkeytennis , 9 months ago to workreform in there is Indeed a problem

In my industry, practical interviews are very common, but they’re not always reliable. I can get as much from asking someone about their process and being talked through a case study they’ve chosen, as giving them a practical exercise to perform on the spot. I’d usually do both.

I’m not disagreeing with the overall inefficiency and frustration of the whole process, I’ve felt it on both sides. It’s messy - bad or overstretched HR teams, slow managers, unclear budgets, poor choice of tech platforms…

monkeytennis , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago) to workreform in there is Indeed a problem

That’s terrible, I hope it all worked out, but absolutely never say anything until you’ve both signed a contract unless you’re looking for a counter offer, which is risky AF.

People pull out of informal agreements all the time, it’s not an employer thing - legal issues, real estate, appointments, competition prizes, dates…

monkeytennis , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago) to workreform in there is Indeed a problem

I feel like these are the real issues - I can’t tell how much of OP is meant to be a joke … “You forget to check the website and you miss the time”. I mean, that’s on you. Also it’s often easy to blag the magic words an interviewer wants to hear, the real danger is that the job is NOT as advertised.

The number of interviews I used to sit in on, and wonder WTF the interviewer was thinking… One asked a service designer “if you were a type of cake, what would you be?”

monkeytennis , 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago) to news in Amazon CEO tells staff ‘it’s probably not going to work out’ unless they visit office three days a week

Maybe it’s because I’m in a UX team and you hit a nerve, but “pull them into a quick meeting” summarizes my contempt for office life. The lack of boundaries and constant distraction was relentless.

I’ve met many Susies who, like me, dreaded the “Hey Suze, you got a minute?” because everyone vaguely recalls that we’ve worked on something related to their project. It was not as valuable or productive as you think. Pinging the person on Teams and not expecting an instant reply was the right thing to do, even back in the old days.

monkeytennis , 10 months ago to mildlyinfuriating in The Spotify Car Thing cost $100, but I can't use it anymore.

Am I missing something, or would basically any old smartphone work in place of this? I have a Pixel which sits in a cradle and takes care of anything I’d use this for. I guess a physical button or dial might be nice, but I have a volume dial on the car dash.

Seems plainly obvious that it’ll require a sub. It’s a Spotify box.

monkeytennis , 10 months ago to technology in Amazon is seeing some employees quit instead of moving to a new state as part of relocation mandate

I love seeing people stand up to these mandates. I flat out ask the purpose for my physical presence, and unless it’s an objectively good reason AND everyone else required will be present, I’m staying away. I’ve too often arrived at an office to sit on a Teams call.

I’m not contributing to traffic pollution and seeing my kids less to satisfy someone’s whim or real estate investment. As far as I’m concerned, that ship has sailed. Virtual whiteboards exist. Welcome to the future.

monkeytennis , 10 months ago to mildlyinfuriating in "Sponsored recommendations": I pay for Spotify Premium, and yet somehow I'm still the product?

It’s the least offensive type of advertising I see day to day. I couldn’t care less how my listening data is shared, and I don’t understand the zero tolerance some people have for adverts - it’s not all bad.

If they ramp up the adverts, people will vote with their feet.

monkeytennis , 10 months ago to internetfuneral in The 2012 Baby

Not far off some I’ve seen, just needs more wrinkles