partial_accumen , 4 months ago

Future article:

Alberta to add hydrocarbons to school lunch menus

Lawmakers in Edmonton announced today that with the further declines in sales of Alberta tar sands products, the government will be directly purchasing hydrocarbons for consumption in school lunch programs. In speaking to reports today Premier Jones said “Our students need energy to learn in school, right? What better way to power our students than with the same energy our grandparents used in the past to power their cars? Oil! It seems obvious now that its in front of us. By putting oil directly into food for our students we ‘cut out the middle man’ and save Alberta taxpayers money while continuing our longstanding tradition of subsidizing the tar sands we all love. There’s really no downside when you think about it!” /s