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The Cybertruck Heads to War With Militarized Upgrades

Ramzan Kadyrov, the brutal dictator of Chechnya and prominent Putin ally, has invited Elon Musk to visit him in Grozny. Kadyrov wrote the invitation in a Telegram post where he praised the Cybertruck below a video of him driving the stainless steel monstrosity around Chechen city streets.

Kadyrov smiled like a child while driving the Cybertruck. “We received a Tesla Cybertruck from the respected Elon Musk,” the post said. “I was pleased to test the new technology and was personally convinced that it is called the ‘Cyberbeast’. A real invulnerable and fast animal.”

The bed of the Cybertruck was open and someone had mounted a Russian PK machine gun in the bed. Kadyrov said the car was a dream to drive and that they may soon send it to his soldiers. “I express my sincere gratitude to Elon Musk! He is, of course, the strongest genius of our time…a great man!” He said on Telegram.

enkille ,

To be fair, Tesla autopilot does a decent job killing people in civilian applications so this feels like a natural move.

AllNewTypeFace ,
@AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space avatar

Kadyrov’s goons have an image of being fearsome warriors, but their main talent is maintaining this carefully manicured image. Other than killing/torturing defenceless civilians and prisoners, they stay well away from the actual fighting and take selfies looking fierce with their shiny new not-at-all-battleworn equipment, to the point that people refer to them as the Instagram Corps. His glee at receiving this defective mall-ninja cosplay prop that barely copes with paved roads is on brand with this. If they keep it safely away from the front and have squads of conscripts keeping mud and bugs out of its moving parts, they can take turns scowling menacingly behind the machine gun like Immortan Joe’s War Boys, and if they persuade Putin of the propaganda value of the footage, it may save them from going to the front. At least until a Ukrainian drone finds their toy and torches it. If they make the mistake of riding their new steed into battle, they’re effectively dead meat.

kmartburrito ,

Just don’t slam the door

Moonrise2473 ,

The richest asshole in the world tweeted:

Are you seriously so retarded that you think I donated a Cybertruck to a Russian general?

🧐

That choice of word is weird. Did he mean that he sold the cybertruck to the Chechen war criminal?

Btw, dear war criminal, hurry up and go to do the “special military operation” with that death trap

mozz ,
@mozz@mbin.grits.dev avatar

Do you seriously think I am so retarded that I donated a Cybertruck to a Russian general?

FTFE

And the answer of course is yes

Bonesince1997 ,

The Cybertruck being used to quash freedom. Musk would have been Hitler’s right hand man.

CarbonIceDragon ,
@CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social avatar

The Henry Ford of our time (except for Elon not having the mechanical skills I guess). Musk probably would take that as a compliment, but I mean it as an insult

Aeri ,
@Aeri@lemmy.world avatar

Cannae fuckin wait for some despot to beef it because the cybertruck somehow killed them.

seaQueue ,
@seaQueue@lemmy.world avatar

I’m in favor of dictators worldwide standardizing on the cybertruck thanks. It’ll be easy to disable all of them with a garden hose or a baseball.

thejml ,

Or an OTA software update. Or some water.

AnarchoSnowPlow ,

Hilux >>>>>> Cybertruck

n3m37h ,

Geo > Cybersuck

str82L ,
@str82L@lemmy.world avatar

Well isn’t he going to be surprised when he finds out just how ineffective it is against gunfire.

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

It’s not even especially effective against baseballs.

https://electrek.co/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2023/11/window-break.gif

yggstyle ,

Yes but how will it handle rain?

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Poorly.

xmunk ,

I’d be more curious to see if it could survive an Iraqi sandstorm because my bet is… absolutely not.

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

It can’t handle bugs.

motorbiscuit.com/tesla-youll-have-to-wipe-dead-bu…

Drusas ,

That is hilarious.

yggstyle ,

Lithium ion is pure shit in extreme temps… and of course an added load of ordinance and armor… this thing will have less reliability and range than a kids power wheels.

FuglyDuck ,
@FuglyDuck@lemmy.world avatar

Not to mention, they like to catch fire.

I’d be willing to bet tracer rounds would be very effective. Fun fact- the “bulletproof” doors aren’t actually all that bullet proof.

They might stop 9mm pistol fire, but after a few shots, not so much. Rifle? Naw, it’s going through.

MediaBiasFactChecker Bot ,

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