What got me out of that was realizing that what other people did to me wasn't as bad as what I'd been doing myself - accepting the blame for what they'd done, because it had to be something wrong with me. I've been working on that - not blaming myself, not beating myself up. If I was an ass, sure, I'll own that, and I'll apologize, but if I was just being my autistic self and they reacted badly, that's on them, not me.