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Where do you even meet people anymore?

I previously made a now-deleted post somewhat related to this topic in the wrong community SHHHHHH. This is more broad.

Barring friends of friends, I have not made a new friend ever outside of school. As someone with a really niche personality, it’s hard to be brave enough to approach new people–nobody’s as weird as I am. I actually used to have a friend group that fit my personality, but it dissolved due to more drama than I can even comprehend. That’s why I’m in this situation, was all of that.

I’ve chosen not to go to college. That’d be my best outlet for meeting new people, but I simply don’t want to deal with debt. So, my time to meet as many people as possible has been cut somewhat short.

There’s a saving grace, though. I’m a furry–this is the niche personality part. Cons would be great, but, to keep it short, I just don’t have that capability right now. I’m not even IT yet, but my fate is sealed.

In the meantime… I am very bored. Thanks for reading.

finley ,

Do those Duolingo toons count as ‘people’? We have conversations…

ContrarianTrail , (edited )

I’m meeting all the single women on my area (mostly moms and elderly widows) by setting up a company that does plumbing, home improvement and property maintenance jobs.

TheBat ,
@TheBat@lemmy.world avatar

Big fan of your work. You’re a very talented and modest guy to not mention that you’re also a doctor and a teacher.

scytale ,

Go to eventbrite or meetup and check out all the free events in your area that are interesting to you, then just show up.

Rolando , (edited )
  • Do you have a religious affiliation? A lot of people go to the social events of their local church/mosque/temple to meet “safer” people. You don’t even have to be that religious, it’s often just a cultural thing.
  • Are there any team sports you are interested in? A lot of places have amateur or informal leagues. Similarly, martial arts classes can be fun. If you have a local rec center (local government, not private), check it out.
  • edit: if you don’t like participating in sports, consider becoming a fan. Pick a local team (maybe pro but better minor-league) and join the fan club, start going to their matches and cheering for them. Alternately, find a local fan club for a foreign team, e.g. the local English Pub shows the Premier League games and the Manchester United fans meet up every game.
  • What kind of music you like? Local bars, cafes, even some restaurants may set up musicians, and since they’re not some huge concert they can be free or cheap. Support your local music scene!
  • You aren’t going to college, but you may want to check out community college. They’re usually inexpensive and you might as well take a class in something you’re really interested in.
  • Check out your local public library, a lot of times they have free talks or movies or reading groups.
ryven ,
@ryven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

My friend seems to have good success meeting people in Discord channels about his niche interests, with the caveat that there is a lot more video calling than there is hanging out, because nobody lives in the same state. Maybe join a furry chat and say hello?

Bubner ,

If you’re interested in making friends with furries online, DM me I know of a telegram chat specifically for that purpose.

friend_of_satan ,

it’s hard to be brave enough to approach new people

I was talking to my wife yesterday about how I gained social skills as an adult, and part of it was making a deliberate effort to start conversations with at least a few strangers everyday. Not hold a conversation, merely start one. Doing this for a while helps you get comfortable making chit chat and feeling out of its worth continuing a conversation, and breaks down the idea that every conversation has to be meaningful.

Not sure if this helps you, but it really helped me.

As for where to go, look for gatherings like flea markets, car shows, street fairs, anything. Even if you don’t care about the topic, be there for the people, and keep an open, curious mind. Maybe even make a game out of it, like the meow game, or some other goofy phrase, or try to ask a variety of people the same question. Or bring something that is a conversation starter like a dog, or juggling balls, or something small related to your furry hobby. The idea is to be around people in a mode that makes interaction easy.

Meeting people is just the first part though. Moving on to friendship obviously takes more work and time.

xigoi ,
@xigoi@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

In what settings is it socially acceptable to talk to strangers?

Zerlyna ,
@Zerlyna@lemmy.world avatar

Furry is definitely niche. Is there a local group where you can meet others? Facebook or meetup.com?

Do you work? That’s the next place to meet others.

And then there’s online friends! Digital pen pals. OOOOhhhhh I just dated myself.

KingJalopy ,

I date myself regularly. But one night stands are getting old…

Rolando ,

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde.

Boozilla ,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

Check out the Peace Corps.

jeena , (edited )
@jeena@piefed.jeena.net avatar

I moved a lot during my life, living in the 4th country now, stayed in each one for about 15 years. Therefore I had to find friends from outside of school.

Here is a list of how I found them:

20's:

  • through my cousin, he was a coworker with my future best friend
  • started a band with a friend and his cousin, then we kicked out the friend and got a better drummer. Through the band we met a ton of other musicians while playing life and became friends with them
  • I joined a IRC channel about writing HTML and CSS, once a year we met in real life. Over time I became closer friends with some of them and we visited each other semi regularly. We still hang in the same chatroom, over 20 years ago. Half of us moved abroad, so we can't meet IRL that often anymore, but we are still friends
  • after moving countries I made a house warming party and asked my (now ex) wife's brother to invite his friends, I brought 50 liters of beer from Germany to this party in Sweden. This group became my core group of friends even after the divorce

30's:

  • work, I became very good friend with one of my coworkers, we even started a new company together because I was the only one who wasn't afried to try it
  • university, yeah normal
  • one uni friend pulled me in to the company he worked for where there were very many super cool guys and I became friends with many of them. Even now like 7 years after we don't work together we still meet regularly for grill parties, etc.

40's:

  • after another move, to South Korea, this one is tough because I still don't speak the language, but after we got our son, my fiancé opened a public group on the Internet for couples who have a small child and one of the parents is a foreigner. Many of them don't quite fit me as friends but we still meet some of them for play dates and so on so our friendship is growing
  • I was on the playground and there was another foreigner dad and we started talking about the kids and everything else, then we exchanges phone numbers and are meeting regularly and it's fun because conversations are easy, so he is the clothest thing to a friend I have here. But I have no idea how it would go if I need help in some bad situation, etc. because we didn't have any yet.

So yeah, this is kind of where I found my friends outside of school. Perhaps it can be some inspiration for you.

half_built_pyramids ,

I’ll be your friend.

200ok ,

The longest friend I’ve ever had is someone I met in school that lives on the other side of the continent… I haven’t seen them in maybe half a lifetime now.

Buy we send each other funny stuff and random updates. I don’t know why it has lasted, other than that there are low expectations and it’s mutual. It’s actually really refreshing.

200ok ,

I met a few good friends by joining a local, free run club in the area. We were all the slow people at the back 😂

I moved and the friendships didn’t last, but I think that’s just part of life. The older I get, the more stars need to align to maintain relationships.

200ok ,

I met my best friend while we were both volunteering to help kids with some stuff we’re both really good at.

We’re both nerdy about the same things. I made a few friends from that activity but only one has stood the test of time 🥹

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