That’s really encouraging to hear! I don’t think I’ve ever played Arma multiplayer (other than a bit with my dad) but ages ago I used to play a lot of Battlefield 2 and I recall that community being a mixed bag in terms of cool and toxic people. Maybe that was partly the times as it was a good 15 years ago, though the gaming community even now seems all over the place. My wife and I regularly game with another couple (our own private servers, mostly survival games). They also play Overwatch and have said that community can be pretty awful, especially to women.
Oh, and I know what you mean about Arma combat - it’s punishing. That’s part of why I like those resistance-style game modes. Hit and run is a viable strategy.
Anyway, glad to hear you mostly have good experiences with that community.