I’ve been thinking a lot about it and I think many of these people are bi, not closeted gay. Hear me out…
To a bi person, being gay is literally a choice. You could just ignore your desire for the same sex and probably be perfectly happy with the opposite sex. That explains why these people always frame it as a choice.
But, when you deny something about yourself, you make it more present in your life. It’s like being told to not think about breathing (sorry), suddenly your breathing is top of mind. This explains why it is such a present thing to them.
When you constantly fixate on something, because you’re trying not to, and it’s something you find sexy… Well, you’ve just fetishized it. Which explains why they can’t just occasionally look at some gay porn or whatever and be happy, they always eventually get caught doing something extra freaky.
Finally, when you deny it all your life and go through your midlife crisis and decide you can’t take it anymore, you realize you don’t have the skills or knowledge that people who weren’t bottling it up have. Which is why so many get caught with staff members or prostitutes.