To ensure this doesn’t happen again, we’ve prepared hundreds of “I’m sorry” templates that will fire off. So when our officers do heinous shit like this again, the Sorry will be within 24 hours, not a week later.
Some examples of these, you ask?
Sorry for shooting your dog.
Sorry for roughing up your grandfather.
Sorry for showing up at the robbery hours later.
Sorry for laughing when you called for aid.
Sorry for raping that woman.
Sorry for all stats about us beating our spouses and partners.
Sorry for spending millions on taxpayer money on surveillance that statistically has shown it doesn’t move the needle in public safety