I embarrassingly did something similar (lighted up a firework in my mouth and took a long inhale straight to lungs like a cigarette before throwing it away nonchalantly seconds before explosion) when I was young and stupid. But 41 cmon
And also I didn’t care about my life whatsoever unlike now but I was still stupid because there are less painful and quicker ways to go. I was too much of a coward to approach suicide seriously so I gambled with life seeing no value or sense in it all.
Still have burn scars from extinguishing cigarettes on my own skin, they are super ugly but also remind me of the long road travelled and how much better I am doing now.
What is ironic is that some good people that cherished life and were really, diligent and kindhearted are gone or on the streets or went insane. While I was desperately trying to fuck it all up and made a poor job out of it in the end. Just because I was given randomly better brain at birth that did what they diligently strived so hard for as if it was nothing at all or better parents or more money