My guess is that they’re conflating “stubbornly contradictory” with “hostile,” which isn’t accurate. Being labeled as or treated as hostile when you’re not is frustrating, and it leads to poor communication. That goes both ways, though, and I can see where you’d both be able to infer hostility that may or may not be intended by the other party.
Also, I’d suggest that if you no longer feel that you should “make an effort” then the best course of action is exactly that - cease engaging.