That’s the thing, the commander could be the nicest person in the world. Once you were outed, their hands were tied. So your platoon’s lieutenant might be alright, but the platoon sergeant from the next platoon over could be nosy as hell and out you. also it functioned as a second lavender scare. Even if you beat the official investigation after being “outed” because you aren’t gay and it’s impossible to actually out you, you’re forever tainted. Your career is over and your life is in danger from homophobes, that felt empowered by the function of the policy to go after anyone they thought was gay.
If they wanted this to be a step in the right direction instead of leadership taking a step back and letting the bigotry just do it’s thing they needed to come down hard on the bigots too and allow gay service members who did not actually tell anyone to stay. That would have sent the message the public was sold on DADT.
Hilariously, the thing that really spelled the end of DADT (along with changing morals in society) was the GWOT. It’s actually kind of hard to railroad the guy who’s been clearing rooms and getting blown up with you. And the people who did keep doing it in the combat units found themselves alienated finally because it’s nearly impossible to “other” someone you served with like that.