Actually to me I don't really see why people conflate being gay with gay culture - although I guess it's obvious that they would, it just doesn't always apply to most people. For me, anyway, being homo attracted means just that - it's just what my sexuality is, not what I do with my free time (I mean I don't seek out movies or books or beaches or bars that are gay, but that's just me).
I have friends whose whole lives are built around their same-sex attraction, who dress flamboyantly and do the whole rainbow decor thing and always want to go do a gay-oriented thing when we go out. I'm fine with that, but it seems like those of us who just want to lead a very boring "not in your face" life don't get the same kind of respect.
Anyway thanks for the feedback and responses. I think we're really on the same wavelength, maybe I could have worded my initial statement more clearly.