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southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Pfft, reject the entire thing. Be patient, find someone that’s compatible. It isn’t like you have to settle right now.

ZILtoid1991 ,

Option #3:

Same as option #2, but replace BPD with autism, and less mental health issues once she figures out she doesn’t need to pretend to be normal.

Atrichum ,

I’m with 2 but instead of shared interests it’s shared sense of humor and tendency toward self destructive alcoholism. I’m more and more convinced it’s going to blow up in my face.

Ummdustry ,

why isn’t alcoholism an interest?

Atrichum ,

It used to be, but I’ve been california-sober for a year. It’s amazing how sobering up will open your eyes to your situation.

CliveRosfield ,

Number 2 sounds like a good friend but not a good wife.

AlexWIWA ,

Ended up with 1. 2 just isn’t worth it. Every time they went crazy

prof ,
@prof@infosec.pub avatar

I’ll take my mentally stable wife scrolling Instagram stuff daily over my nutcase ex that I could game with.

pixxelkick ,

Easily #1, but that’s because they worded it as what her current interests are.

Just be interesting yourself, and put the work into finding out what about her interests are actually interesting. People find things interesting for a reason.

No one is actually boring, if you find someone boring it just means you dont understand them yet. Pay attention, listen, and try to see it through their eyes and maybe you’ll find their “boring” interests aren’t so boring after all, you just didnt “see” it fully yet to appreciate it.

And, typically, if you put the work into showing interest in whatever they are into, they’ll reciprocate.

Also, there’s infinite room for the two of you to both find new interests neither of you had before that now you both can share.

When my fiance and I started dating years ago, neither of us gave a shit about birds… but now that we live in a place with lots of cool random birds we can spot, and we go for walks everyday, we actually stop and go “holy shit what kind of bird is that, I dont recognize it” or “holy fuck are those pelicans? I didnt even know we got pelicans here!” etc etc.

The other day out of the blue when we were chilling at a nearby water reservoir watching a duck, a whole ass fuckin pelican came outta nowhere and swooped down, splashing into the water and sniped a random fish, then burst up with it in its mouth like… 2 feet in front of us. It was a pretty big “holy shit did that just happen?” moment.

If we hadn’t been sitting there just enjoying watching a duck, we never would’ve gotten to see that pelican.

So, you know, maybe there’s no such thing as “normie” interests, or a “boring” person. You might be the boring one if anything, because you can’t understand why people love something and get interested in it…

drosophila , (edited )

I think you might be underestimating the intensity of some people’s interests and how much of their being is defined by them, especially non-neurotypical people.

EDIT: Like, if you live in a van with solar panels on the roof you should probably find a partner that’s also cool living inside a van.

If you spend a significant stints at home wearing a fursuit, you should probably find a partner that enjoys or at least doesn’t mind living with what looks like an anthropomorphic furry creature.

If you regularly consume large doses of halcinogens to explore the limits of human consciousness you should probably find a partner that’s doesn’t mind hearing about how you saw an infinite blade made of time that slices the present moment into two parts: the past and the future.

Boxscape ,
@Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

I enjoyed reading your examples and wouldn’t mind reading a few more.

Damage ,

It’s actually a spectrum

Wanderer , (edited )

No matter how hot a woman is someone somewhere is tired of her shit.

Option 2. Don’t have kids break up with her. Be happy about it, thank God it is finally over. Then think back on how great the sex was and miss her for the rest of your life.

Wanderer ,

The hot crazy matrix

youtu.be/7jHTGNPOYGQ

Early_To_Risa ,

Option #2 is sure to cause you trauma, trust issues in future relationships, and years of therapy.

Anyway, option #2.

superkret ,

I married #2

Tropper ,

Option 1 sounds like a boring hell and option 2 sounds like an active hell.

I would pick 2. At least there would be some good and fun moments between the really bad ones. And sharing interests is an important part for me.

Ilandar ,

Personally I think interests are vastly overrated. Relationships are not about whether you enjoy what you do together, but whether you enjoy doing it together. Part of the magic of a long-term relationship is developing those unexpected shared interests over time rather than going in from day one with the attitude of “I want to date myself”.

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

AVOID #1!!!

Better to be alone and free to think and explore than to be tethered to someone that holds you back from exploring life. Sex is a fucked up drug addiction without an opt out for most of us. I’ve made a lot of effed up decisions, but not marrying any of my 3 long terms was not one of them.

I don’t know about y’all, but I changed a whole lot every 5 years since 20. I feel more settled in my late 30’s Getting disabled at 29 shakes my perspective away from any kind of norm. I can’t imagine those changes meshing with anyone else and surviving this long.

ladicius ,

As a guy nearing 60 I support your stance.

The choice is not these two women. The choice is how to live your own life.

KingJalopy ,

I’m about 3 or 4 option behind you but I agree. Glad to see older anons still with it.

TheSambassador ,

I don’t necessarily disagree, and everyone is different, but you should consider that it’s not just you that changes. You change WITH your partner. You grow TOGETHER. I am absolutely different than I was 10 years ago, and so is she, but that doesn’t mean that we’re no longer compatible. Our growth contributed to each other’s growth.

I do think people should be maybe… less attached? You should regularly evaluate your relationship to see if it’s working. Shared interests aren’t even always necessary (as long as they at least show interest in what you like and vice versa). But that is very hard and many people would rather not be alone.

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

I don’t picture too many mates that can handle religious extremist conservative misogynist to atheist leftist open minded best intentions diversity ally. I could be wrong. Heck, in that span I’ve gained, dropped, and maintained more weight than anyone I’ve ever dated, going from ~250 to 350 to 187 and racing bicycles. I doubt I would have spent 3-4 hours a day on a bike while working 8-10 hours and racing on the weekend if I had married someone in my early 20’s. I’d probably still be in bad health. I’m not all that bright right now, but I was a whole lot dumber in the past and having someone around that reinforced my biases was certainly a factor in my growth and development. It is hard to say how things would be different. It gets super lonely at times, but my situation is not standard there.

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