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voldage ,

I once got up sitting and started to touch mine and my girlfriends ankles. The reason I apparently gave, highly distressed, was “The Orcs, they’re coming. I need more skeletons. Give me your bones.” and returned to sleep after she told me to sleep. I also once held my cat at the finger-gun and proclaimed it was a doppleganger and it was trying to rob us, after which I pleaded stupidity and fell asleep again.

MTK ,

I had some close calls, even punched a wall from a dream once, it’s just a matter of time until one lands on who ever sleeps next to me at that moment.

I feel like it is an appropriate price to pay for enjoying the funny shit I say in my sleep.

nick , (edited )

I was just telling my wife this story last night: bout 15 years ago I was asleep next to my (now) ex gf. I was dreaming I was in a fight with my dad, and I punched my gf right in her back, on her spine. Didn’t really hurt her too badly but we both woke up and I apologized.

She took it shockingly well, I would have been much more angry.

jol ,

I would be so irrationally angry waking up like that.

nick ,

100% agreed. She took it like a champ

match ,
@match@pawb.social avatar

the @nick lore deepens

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

You know, I have never made contact with my wife when I’m having dreams like that.

I’ve punched and kicked other people in my sleep, but never her, or my kid. Nor my dogs back when they were alive.

But anyone else? I used to warn people about it, and they wouldn’t believe me until it happened. PTSD dreams will fuck shit up lol. Even my best friend got elbowed in the nose once. After that, he learned to stay on the other side of the bed. And yes I have shared a bed with my homie. That’s how a real homie gets through a winter in the mountains when you’re both poor as fuck and heating was absurdly expensive compared to good blankets and two human furnaces.

But my wife? Even before she was my wife, I could have the worst fucking dreams and never touch her. She could even touch me and wake me up, and I wouldn’t hurt her before I was all the way awake.

wieson ,

I wouldn’t hurt her before I was all the way awake.

Later though, you should’ve seen me. I was swinging left and right, it was a fireworks show, a real display of athleticism. Mike Tyson would’ve wanted an autograph.

Amanduh ,

Real homies cuddle up in rough times

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Word

rickyrigatoni ,

Was this mountain called brokeback?

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Something something rosebud

sugar_in_your_tea ,

I wouldn’t hurt her before I was all the way awake.

But the implication of what happens once you’re all the way awake…

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Lol, yeah it could be taken that way I guess

Viking_Hippie ,

Raise your hand if you read it as "rolls out of bed window“ at first 🙋😄

JameUwU ,

Comments here are starting to look better. So proud of Lemmy <3

Outsider9042 ,

I have punched my ex in my sleep because I got in a fight with Daniel Radcliffe because he was a nazi. Another time I kicked her while practicing karate under water.

I have also been punched in the back by another girl. Then she yelled “You can kick the piss out of that one, wooooooo!”, then she spat on me. I’m fairly certain she was asleep at the time.

EddoWagt ,

I’m fairly certain she was asleep at the time.

Fairly certain? You didn’t check?

BambiDiego ,

Maybe he’s into kink play and didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth

sugar_in_your_tea ,

Daniel Radcliffe… nazi

I could see that.

MrJameGumb ,
@MrJameGumb@lemmy.world avatar

Fake: Anon has a girlfriend

Gay: Anon has wet dream about Bob Ross’s happy little tree

Noodle07 ,

Very bushy tree

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

But happy!

henfredemars ,

Cuddling my wife in our bed.
She wants me to rub her back. Rolls onto her side.
Pull at the bottom of her oversized sleep shirt for better access.
It’s stuck underneath her.
Tug again, this time more firmly. Stuck.
“Hey, what’s the hold up?”
Think of cartoon tablecloth gag.
Firmly grasp it dot jpeg. A gentlemen does not disappoint.
Yank with the force of a thousand suns.
Cloth ripping.
Wife screaming.
My asshole! MY ASSHOLE!
She teleports out of bed and runs down the hall bowl legged, screaming.
That wasn’t shirt. It was panties.

Bless her heart she wasn’t walking right for a week. I felt so tremendously guilty for inflicting her with an accidental atomic wedgie the likes of which any civilized society would consider a war crime.

StrongHorseWeakNeigh ,

This is an uproariously funny story. Thank you for sharing because I’m laughing my ass right now.

Thcdenton ,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/c37ad84b-f58c-46ef-b2dc-4104a90ed832.jpeg

MeThisGuy ,

cowabunghole

SmackemWittadic ,
@SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world avatar

CowaTP for my cowabunghole

ryannathans ,

Fake: has a wife

Gay: injured asshole

rambling_lunatic ,

Why would you be pulling a shirt down? Aren’t you trying to take it off?

henfredemars ,

It was not being pulled down but up towards me to expose her lower back.

rambling_lunatic ,

Oh

StrongHorseWeakNeigh ,

Reminded me of the time my mom woke me up and I helicopter kicked out of bed and dropped 4 f bombs and I’m now laughing my ass off thinking about it.

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