I agree with you largely. It isn’t always a dark pattern. It is a dark pattern if it’s used shadily or maliciously, for example to trick you into downloading adware in an installer. It’s not a dark pattern, but rather good UX design if it’s used in a context to indicate a likely default choice, for instance:
We’ve detected your system is set to Dutch. Is Dutch your preferred language?
[No, let me change] [Looks good]
Maybe someone else has other examples of good uses. It’s not appropriate everywhere.