Watching others having fun together oddly helps me a bit. I might binge a youtube channel like Corridor Crew, for example. Sometimes I even prefer being “a fly on the wall” because I don’t have to participate and be drained of energy. I also don’t have to worry about feeling rejected or offending anyone (and thus no “social hangover”).
Assuming this is coming from a lack of friendship:
Start with a pet, if possible. Then work your way up.
Getting my cat a few years ago helped take the edge off so I didn’t come off as so desperate or distant (oscillating between the two extremes).
Then slowly picked up effective habits and retrained bad habits in interacting with people. Still working on it.
If you mean you feel lonely within your existing friendships, there’s a degree to which that is “normal” or at least somewhat universal. Some philosophers would say true connection with another person is fundamentally impossible. But even if that’s the case, we can find meaning and beauty in the process of trying to achieve the unachievable. Happiness comes not from finally filling an unfillable lack (a mythical ideal), but the novelty or enjoyment of the process.
Though my lizard brain demands me to be around other people, most of the things that bring me genuine life satisfaction are just easier to do solo. When I’m at purely social events I also get this sense of dread that I could be making better use of my time.
The voice in my head is making contradictory demands, so I’ve learned to not feel bad for circumventing it. I have my own goals in life, instincts be damned.
I find that listening to people casually talking is usually enough to satisfy the lizard brain, so I listen to a lot of stuff in the background: YouTube video essays, Twitch Just Chatting streamers, etc. When it gets particularly demanding I’ll try engaging with the people, but usually I just let my subconscious listen while I’m focusing on more important stuff.
Depends. Is the loneliness a byproduct of choices made for happiness in other aspects of your life, like moving to a new city or being picky about your social circle? Are you choosing to stay in and not interact for certain reasons? Or is the loneliness caused by things you can’t control, like people leaving or mental health issues?
If it’s the former, I say embrace it and work on focusing less on how you think your life should look. Pay attention to the things that you love by yourself. Take in the moments any moment where you notice you’re having a great time and don’t have to stop due to someone else. Imagine you just got done with a 12 hour road trip with someone who talks too much and breathe in the silence and peace of the moment. Listen to rain or cars rushing by. Sometimes, I find that loneliness can be caused by feeling like you’re missing out on something but maybe wouldn’t even make you happy. There are lots of people who feel lonely in their families or friendships or relationships.
If it’s the latter, I’d work up to a more comfortable and satisfying level of socialization. It takes time. In that process, you’ll hopefully find yourself leaning pickier and finding out what works and what doesn’t. Be selfish. Learn to spend time with people and then decide for yourself whether you want to keep spending time with them. Treat your energy and presence like precious rubies. They are! Invest in who matters most to you and keeps you feeling good after you leave. This will build your confidence and belief in your worth and motivate you to keep working on the things that keep you from happiness. Ending loneliness isn’t a goal you get to, it’s a side effect of choosing people who see the real you and doing the self care of letting others in. :)
Be careful with it. It’s a slippery slope and one I’m too familiar with. Switch to weed if you can. May not be as accessible as alcohol depending on where you live but it will distract you just as well as alcohol and is much safer long term for you than alcohol. No hangovers and for most it’s not habit forming. Wish I could go back in time and change the past decisions I’ve made.
I focus on spending time with friends and family when I can. And video games when I can’t. I stopped pushing myself to do things I didn’t want to do also, that helped a lot with being disappointed in what I achieve. BG3 is nice therapy these days for me.