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How would you feel if a person you've slept with asks for money after the deed

Pretty much the title - I met a girl on Hinge, we decided to go grab a drink, then one thing left to another and we ended up sleeping together.

Now, the girl mentioned that she would have to see the doc if I went down on her. But I was drunk and didn’t pay much attention.

When I mentioned it was also something she wanted, she agreed to take half, but also, that I have to pay her cab expenses home.

Would you or would you not feel like this person is an escort? It feels so strange being asked to pay after having sex. Or am i the only one?

jet ,

Regardless of how this person tries to make money, they’re not the kind of person you want to spend more time with. Use it as a red flag and don’t see them again.

You don’t want your partners to surprise you in that way.

FinallyDebunked , (edited )
@FinallyDebunked@slrpnk.net avatar

I would laugh at her face

She probably doesn’t have anyone to turn to, so she’ll put up with whatever you dish out

intensely_human ,

Indignant

deathbird ,

I wouldn’t assume it’s a solicitation for payment for sex, but it’s strange to ask someone you just met to cover your medical expenses. I mean, presumably you’ll need the same testing she will. I assume anyone who actually sells sex will try to frankly negotiate payment up front.

My guess is…it was maybe an indirect way of asking you to slow down. Or she’s could be on a tight budget and also horny AND knows she’s going to have to get down to Planned Parenthood to get tested for the clap after letting some stranger off Hinge eat her out.

People make all kinds of bad decisions when they’re horny, and sometimes try to mitigate them in weird ways in the moment. You neve known a guy who started having sex without a condom, then paused to put one on?

shinigamiookamiryuu ,

I’d be praying he doesn’t alter the deal any further.

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Yeah, you got rooked.

Never, ever pay for something you didn’t agree to pay for before the service is provided

lonke , (edited )

Yeah, pay her. After you pay me for leaving this comment.

Or just charge her for a bunch of stuff you did that night and say you’ve already payed.

Or say you charge the same fee. Or a greater one and she needs to pay up.

AttackBunny ,
@AttackBunny@kbin.social avatar

Paying for sex is negotiated ahead of time. Always.

If I had some fun with a random dude, and he asked me for money after (without any discussion beforehand), I'd laugh in his face. Largely because, um what, but also because that's not my thing.

ninjan ,

If you went down on her? And see the doc? Was she in the porn industry perhaps and thus required to get tested after unprotected sex (which technically getting head from someone is and it can transmit stuff like herpes)? That’s the only explanation I can come up with and if so then you could’ve asked if she’d need to see the doc if you had sex without going down on her, or used a “condom blanket”. Still I’d see that as a business expense on her side and not something you should pay.

deathbird ,

Also gonorrhea, syphilis, or chlamydia (and other NGUs).

MrBubbles96 ,

Paying for the sex? If she isn’t an escort or if money wasn’t discussed at all, she’s not getting paid jack.

Paying for the taxi ride home is another story and is probably not gonna break the bank.

AttackBunny ,
@AttackBunny@kbin.social avatar

I'm genuinely curious, and I'm not trying to start an argument, but why do you think that OP should pay for the cab ride home? I'm going to assume the woman was not an escort, that she went to OP's place of her own accord, and was a willing participant. So my questions is why is it seen as the "right thing to do" to give her money to get home?

I ask this as a woman, who would never assume that I didn't need to figure my own shit out, after a night of partying, because it's my responsibility. I get it is probably the nice thing to do, maybe, but even then, she theoretically had fun too.

@MrBubbles96

@Kujo_D2407

MrBubbles96 ,

Oh, no, I didn’t mean it as it’s something that has to be done, tho rereading my comment i can see where that’s implied, I meant it more as:

Paying for the cab fare does not suddenly make the person you slept with a prostitute (that’s what i got from OP’s comment. That as soon as money was added into the equation, he’s suddenly with an escort), hence “that’s another story”.

It isn’t a must on your part to cough up cash for the other person at all, but I dunno, I feel like the least you can do is offer to pitch in if it’s not gonna inconvenience you and she’s not being rude about shit (in this case, it’s hard to tell for me if she was); but that’s a me thing. When you’re raised to offer your help when you can and you lived in the not-so-nice parts of town most of your life…yeah, I tend to ask anyone that’s with me if they can make it home alright and offer to help somehow if I’m able to. I understand if people can’t or don’t wanna do the same, tho admittedly, I sometimes forget that it’s not like, the standard response, you get me?

AttackBunny ,
@AttackBunny@kbin.social avatar

Fair. Thank you for the answer.

dystop ,
@dystop@lemmy.world avatar

As a dude I would offer to pay for their cab home, but someone asking for that is a yellow flag.

Asking for me to pay for a bunch of stuff, including the cab, would be a red flag. Unless I’ve travelled back in time to the 70’s or I’m living in Saudi Arabia, paying for my date should be a nice thing to do, not an expectation.

FuyuhikoDate ,

Besides that your Post reads very weird and i try to Fully understand it:

If somebody would ask me for money after Sex, i would just laugh and Show them the door…

Jacksachatter ,

Paying for cab expense sounds reasonable. Is there more to this story op?

Metaright ,
@Metaright@kbin.social avatar

Paying for her cab fare home sounds reasonably polite.

orangeNgreen ,
@orangeNgreen@lemmy.world avatar

On the one hand, I’d be pissed and I’d want to refuse. On the other hand, having never been involved with an “escort,” I’d be terrified that there might be a pimp or someone else that could cause me great bodily harm. So I’d probably pay.

bernieecclestoned ,

the girl mentioned that she would have to see the doc if I went down on her.

That does not compute

deathbird ,

Basic STI panel, I guess. Idk how much they run these days. Probably depends on where you go (health department, planned parenthood, primary care physician) and whether you’re insured or not.

Firemyth ,

Still doesn’t compute. Going down on someone is the criteria for getting a panel done? Not the penetrative sex??

deathbird ,

Yeah. Every bacterial STI, plus HPV and herpes (though I’m pretty sure they never test for herpes) can be transmitted via oral sex.

Firemyth ,

Yes I know. But it’s also transmitted via normal sex. So why is oral the criteria rather than the regular sex?

“We can have sex as long as you don’t go down on me because I don’t want to get a panel done”

See- it doesn’t make sense

deathbird ,

So I read it as he only went down on her, that oral sex was the sex that they had.

If they had vaginal intercourse AND he went down on her, I suspect that like a lot of people they used a barrier method for the PIV but not the oral. People don’t tend to think of using barriers during oral even if condoms are pretty normalized for PIV.

Firemyth ,

I suppose it can be read that way. When I read “we ended up sleeping together” I’m assuming everything was done. Barriers or no- I’m also assuming the same precautions (or lack of) were taken for everything

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