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How do you get over the fact that not everyone will like you?

It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.

But how do you feel it?

Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)

Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.

So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?

Hikermick ,

I prefer to be liked as opposed to being disliked but I take pride when certain people dislike me

Hirom ,

These 5% of negative reviews probably has nothing to do with you. There’s always a small amount of people unhappy for random or unrelated reasons (broke up with boy/girlfriend, car broke, etc) and who would write negative reviews no matter what. It’s possible they cannot dissociate the course from other things happening in their life. They just happened to be unhappy at that time, and felt like leaving a nasty review.

Frozyre ,

There's a meme image I once saw that spoke to me.

It went; "Stop trying to be liked by everybody, when you don't even like everybody"

And that's so fucking true for someone such as me. You can't please everyone, so you should stop trying because there's thousands to possibly millions of people out there who simply live that spiteful and bitter lifestyle as their entire persona.

Who matters to me are the people I've personally befriended. It doesn't hurt to co-exist and be kind to those who give it to you.

But everyone else, fuck them.

CanadaPlus , (edited )

Yeah, people are full of shit. The way I approach this is just to try and understand if I’m the asshole (or Hanlon’s razor equivalent), or they are. If it’s their issue, it doesn’t really bother me anymore that they don’t like me, and they’re just an obstacle rather than a peer.

That’s just my experience though. And yeah, written out it sounds kind of harsh, but I’m going to say it’s better than becoming even more of a nervous wreck than I already am.

vfreire85 ,

work on your self-confidence and self esteem. go check a psychologist.

frauddogg ,
@frauddogg@lemmygrad.ml avatar

Indifference. They let just any ignorant sack of shit with working thumbs access review pages; and a lot of people aren’t just ignorant in this day and age, they are proudly and willfully ignorant. The only people whose critique I take seriously are those I know and trust, everyone else can suck a leaf blower.

ulkesh ,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

I just stopped caring. Why should it matter if people like me? Life is a very short, fleeting construct. Wasting time worrying about what some other human thinks of me makes literally no difference in the grand cosmos. I’d rather put my energy toward something interesting.

neidu2 ,

I don’t like everyone I meet. Why would I expect to be liked by everyone I meet?

z00s ,

As a teacher I can say that in every class- adults or teenagers- there will be 5-10% who will love you no matter what, 5-10% who will dislike you no matter what, and everyone else will be in between.

You have to learn not to take it personally because it isn’t; you’re just the body in the room when they happen to be feeling shitty about their day, their life, their job etc.

Also remember that some people will just tick 10/10 in every category because they can’t be bothered to do it properly, so don’t let that go to your head either.

What you need to do is reduce it to pure numbers. Weight loss, for example, is not about how you feel or even how you look; only the scales will tell you the complete and accurate results without bias.

What you can measure, you can manage. Look at average scores over time across multiple categories. Is there a trend? If it’s negative, then write up a plan to fix it. If it’s positive, write up how you achieved it. Then show it to your boss and get a raise.

At the end of the day the shitty commenters want you to think about them. I usually just laugh; there’s always one in every group.

InputZero ,

As I have gotten older, I have learned to realize that there are people who can not forgive and can not forget. They are the most negative-nellies, and will judge you and most likely themselves bad for just being human. I still listen to them, that’s basic human respect. I don’t let their words tear me down, that’s basic self respect.

“What we got here is, a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” - Cool Hands Luke.

bionicjoey ,

around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.

Don’t focus on the ones that don’t like you. Focus on the ones that do. Unless there is something constructive in the negative reviews, you can safely ignore them.

Glasgow ,

70% of people are idiots so you’re doing pretty well. Only 9/10 dentists can agree on a toothpaste ffs!

McOkapi ,

Wish I could help with the strategy. I don’t deal with this in any way, I genuinely don’t care if someone likes me or not. I actually don’t think about it. I understand this can be a problem and mess with one’s confidence in a situation like yours, but the numbers speak for themselves - you are in a good place.

rubberduh ,

I tend to think people who don’t like me are the bad weird.

communism ,
@communism@lemmy.ml avatar

I don’t think that’s a helpful mindset either. Sometimes two people just don’t get along and it’s no one’s fault

Chadus_Maximus ,

I like to pretend that I’m inherently superior to them :)

teawrecks , (edited )

It would be more effort than it’s worth for me to remember them enough to care. Too lazy.

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