You said good things here. It irks me that one parent is particularly virulently racist and a spiritual bully (eg, if your belief differs or you don't have a god belief, that belief and probably you, are demonic). Yet they aren't rude to other races*, it's covert racism. But when I think of all my personal shortcomings and the off the wall stuff I went through and my trauma behaviors, I can see that their behaviors are trauma behaviors. The only differences were* a NDE and ego death.