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If you like romance in fiction, how do you like it? Realistic or Idealistic?

While I was documenting myself to create a romantic work between two women, I made a little detour and read a Manga (Love Hurts, by Kiriko Nananan) that made me wonder if the idea I initially had for my story is too idealistic to the point of bordering on childish. It’s just that the manga portrays interpersonal relationships in such a raw way (compared to what I’ve been consuming until then), that perhaps the impact it gave me was even greater than I expected.

I understand that there are those who prefer an escapist work, experiencing more of a dream than a one-on-one copy of real life. I also know that there are those who don’t see much value in escapism and prefer art to function as a mirror of reality. I personally found myself somewhere in between.

What I would like to know is which side I should lean more towards in order to do the best work possible.

Shiggles ,

You’re practically asking if you should write your work in French or German. Both are valid artistic choices, but one’s probably going to come more naturally to you.

I do have one idea that you might enjoy though - if you write from both of their perspectives, you could have one woman view everything through an idealistic lens, while the other has a much more grounded view? That dynamic might take over what you already had planned a little bit too much but I thought it was a neat concept.

NONE_dc OP ,
@NONE_dc@lemmy.world avatar

Holy crap! That’s an excellent idea! And it fits wonderfully with how I plan the personalities of the protagonists would be! Thank you so much!

Shiggles ,

Of course, best of luck!

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Ouuuuff… either?

Depends on context?

Depends on writing?

Difficult to really say what my preference is. “Well written”, I would say. Believable, but in the context of the fiction, so if the fiction is a magical fairyland, then a believable romance would be utterly idealistic. Etc.

BmeBenji ,

Short answer: Realistic

Long Answer: I think there’s a time and place for both. Idealistic can be very fun and comfortable to fall back on. However, like your typical “Jack Smith, highly-trained and deadly secret government agent” protagonist, there’s way too much idealistic romance in pop culture to the point that I believe it skews how many people expect relationships to work. That’s commonly unhealthy and occasionally dangerous, so I think we need more popular depictions of realistic romance, and by romance I mean all kinds of relationships. ESPECIALLY close, tight-knit non-sexual friendships between men and women.

NONE_dc OP ,
@NONE_dc@lemmy.world avatar

There’s way too much idealistic romance in pop culture to the point that I believe it skews how many people expect relationships to work.

I can’t agree more to this.

I think we need more popular depictions of realistic romance […] ESPECIALLY close, tight-knit non-sexual friendships between men and women.

Totally on board with that. I’ll keep it in mind more seriously.

cheesymoonshadow ,
@cheesymoonshadow@lemmings.world avatar

When I was younger, I enjoyed idealistic stories. Now that I’m older, I find too much idealism to be exasperating. I prefer realism and grit and imperfection.

So based on that, I think your target audience should play a large part in your decision on style.

Donkter ,

I think romance in fiction is really hard to do well because you somehow have to get across the fact that every romance is different, unique, and often doesn’t make too much sense except to the people involved.

A “realistic” romance can be realistic to the author but be filled with very idiotic choices that makes the reader find the romance not realistic at all

Similarly, an “ideal” romance might be written as perfect for the author and certain readers feel it’s the least romantic thing in the world.

This looks like a lose-lose but all I’m trying to say is that regardless of what you pick, to me, the most important aspect is getting across that this relationship is entirely between the two characters and difficult to get across to the reader. That’s why, to me, romances in stories often work when they aren’t the main plot as it lets the reader fill in the gaps of how that romance evolved.

Mothra ,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

Tough question starting with the fact that realistic relationships vary widely in their scope of wholesomeness and functionality; and stylized or escapist relationships can also vary widely. Just look at how popular stuff like Twilight or 50 shades got for example.

I’m going to side here with people saying it just has to be well written or entertaining enough. It’s more about the characters and the story than whether or not they get along very well or if they have struggles.

Khanzarate ,

Another vote for “well-written”. I have read both, and both are good if they’re done well. Besides, I don’t usually have the option when I find a book, the summaries rarely tell me and I’m not gonna dig through the middle of the book for the answer to this question.

What I care about is being able to connect with the characters. If I can connect to someone in a realistic relationship, great. If I can connect to someone and they get that idealist treatment, great. If I can connect to someone and it seems like a romance but it’s abusive and the book becomes a realistic horror novel, that’s also great, I’ll feel the fear and desperation.

I never have wanted to read a book to have a specific experience, is my point. If your experience was well-written, it would be good.

Grimy ,

I really enjoyed Joe Abercrombie’s portrayal of romance. Each relationship seems thoroughly inconvenient to both parties when it starts and it never actually ends well.

lath ,

Whatever your goals for the story, shape its components to better present them. What’s the love part got to do with the rest of the story? Figure that out and adjust accordingly.

communism ,
@communism@lemmy.ml avatar

Idealistic in the sense that I like it to be so toxic it’s unrealistic. Not to lose all believability, but in a “wow the stars really must have aligned to make these two people meet and fall in love with each other when they’re so fucked up together” kind of way. I don’t really like reading happy fiction, it’s kinda boring.

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