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Why was I crying???

There’s this guy in my neighbourhood who apparently I find very attractive 😂 I didn’t realize that until recently, I always avoided him until one day I had to talk to him and I turned red and started smiling like an idiot.

This happened twice and both times, when I got home, I started crying… not because of what happened, but it felt as if I was losing something??

All I know about this “reaction” is that this guy isn’t my usual type, I just find him physically attractive and when I get home I cry and think about those guys I actually felt a lot for (mostly platonically) and it hurts 🤕 wtf

And today I was almost telling myself to “stay on track”??? Like thinking about the others and thinking “that’s the life you want, that’s what would make you happy” and just wishing this didn’t have such an effect on me.

morrowind ,
@morrowind@lemmy.ml avatar

My best guess is the primitive part of your brain (which is attracted to this guy) is fighting your rational part which says you’d be better off long term spending your energy on the other guys. Brain doesn’t like cognitive dissonance

But it’s really just a guess

Redfox8 ,

Are you conflicted about finding someone you rationality don’t find attracted to, attractive? Does it feel like you’d loose your life as you currently know it, should you end up in a relationship with them because they’re so different, resulting in you loosing those other people you refer to?

You sound like you understand the differences between both people well so that’s good. Our hormones are crazy things that throw all sorts of emtions at us! Maybe try to see this as an exercise in finding/securing what you want in life, what people etc. You clearly see this other person as not your type ultimately, but they still have that ‘thing’ that makes you a bit giddy! Enjoy it for its silliness, safe that you know you’re highly unlikely to actually choose them! :)

jbrains ,

Why do you wish that this didn’t have such an effect on you? I wonder less about your reaction and more about the story you’re telling yourself about that reaction, such as “it’s not OK for me to react this way”.

Melatonin ,

I see others saying this too: why do you need to “stay in your lane?”

Everyone and everything possible is possible for YOU. Perhaps you are crying in mourning for the feeling of not being able to consider alternatives to what you “allow” yourself?

UnRelatedBurner ,

Congrats, you just experienced love!

Azzu ,

Are you biologically female and cis? You guys have attraction for 2 types of guys, the long term, dependable type, and the physically attractive “stud” kind of guy. Obviously best combined in one person, I’m just talking about types of attraction.

But of course it’s hard to be such a “perfect specimen” and combine both types in one. Most men lean/optimize more the one direction than the other.

Now it’s quite obvious which type society conditions you to want - the long term kind of guy. You’re also getting a lot of “slut shaming” or puritan sex shaming type of conditioning from society which pushes you away from the physically attractive, dominant, “stud” type of guy.

But both attractions are still very real, you’re just being pushed in one direction and away from the other.

So for me it seems like you are in conflict with your natural attraction you have and the way society conditions you to behave. This conditioning is very strong, so that you consider giving in to your sexual desires impossible. As such, you feel a real sense of loss - you lose the opportunity to follow your desires, you “lose” this person you desire - and a feeling of loss makes you sad, so you cry.

boogetyboo ,
@boogetyboo@aussie.zone avatar

Did you just… Say all cis women are attracted to 2 types men? A ‘stud’ and a ‘dependable’ type? Because they are also the only types and never shall the two combine?

Like, all of us women? All of us?

Which cartoon told you this? And who told you to repeat this strange teen movie trope with such a sense of confidence?

Wtaf

Azzu ,

Did you really just not even finish the first paragraph after reading the first sentence?.. The second sentence is literally “Obviously best combined in one person”

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