Are you biologically female and cis? You guys have attraction for 2 types of guys, the long term, dependable type, and the physically attractive “stud” kind of guy. Obviously best combined in one person, I’m just talking about types of attraction.
But of course it’s hard to be such a “perfect specimen” and combine both types in one. Most men lean/optimize more the one direction than the other.
Now it’s quite obvious which type society conditions you to want - the long term kind of guy. You’re also getting a lot of “slut shaming” or puritan sex shaming type of conditioning from society which pushes you away from the physically attractive, dominant, “stud” type of guy.
But both attractions are still very real, you’re just being pushed in one direction and away from the other.
So for me it seems like you are in conflict with your natural attraction you have and the way society conditions you to behave. This conditioning is very strong, so that you consider giving in to your sexual desires impossible. As such, you feel a real sense of loss - you lose the opportunity to follow your desires, you “lose” this person you desire - and a feeling of loss makes you sad, so you cry.