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sparr ,

Finding women for whom my appearance isn’t a dealbreaker. I have moderate to serious rosacea and acne on my face. That filters out 90%+ of women before we even speak to each other.

phantomwise ,

Talking to people I don’t know and initiating conversations in general. If the other person doesn’t approach me first, I can’t do it myself. I’m not much into dating, but it’s really inconvenient for socializing in general.

CommissarVulpin ,

I think this is my issue as well. You always hear about how women hate being approached, and I really don’t want to come across as a creep who hits on women in public.

GalacticTaterTot ,

Same. If I could skip the initial dating thing and just have an instant SO that I hang out with and enjoy, I’d be pretty happy. But I’m not good at meeting new people. Plus, after enough failed dates, it gets difficult to justify dumping more time into it. It’s so mentally taxing to find someone, get to know them, meet them (and deal with the amount of anxiety that goes into that whole ordeal), it probably doesn’t work out, repeat and try again. So I just hang out with my cat instead.

mo_lave ,

Whether it’s January 2 or February 1.

ISO 8601 supremacy.

CanadaPlus ,

Best interpretation.

We also just want to keep track of all these natural cycles that have no guarantee of having any reasonable ratio. Every calendar system except, like, Epoch is a little dumb because of that. It’s unavoidable.

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

Up until recently, I hadn’t gone out dating in over 15 years. I feel like the thing I struggle with the most is finding people who would be interested in me in a romantic/sexual way. I’m not a social butterfly by any measure, but I am able to put myself out there. I’m also not the type of guy that exudes charisma. I also have a semi-permanent resting bitch face/scowl. And at 6’3” and 260lbs, I feel that intimidate people. If I were with a group of people that I felt comfortable with, I know things would be a lot different. I also tend to overshare. 😉

CanadaPlus ,

And at 6’3” and 260lbs,

Humblebrag.

(Unless you’re a lady, I guess)

BonesOfTheMoon ,

I haven’t dated in almost thirty years but I think what would be the worst is finding out someone is heavily conservative when you aren’t. Or discovering six months into a nice relationship that he’s a closet antivaxxer or something, basically where you find out something that really goes against your values. Thankfully many of those people are obnoxious and loud.

200ok ,

Agreed. I wish the quiet ones had better ways to find each other. Reminds me of a poem I’ll try to dig up.

200ok ,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/5a2a9862-c2ef-4c81-847e-b3b77d9d7e1c.png

Slightly different context, I suppose

Monster96 ,

Talking without making myself look stupid

scrubbles ,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Nah, just drop the feeling stupid part. The night I met my wife I had just one drink too many so I had turned off my ability to think I was stupid - and I ended up talking about Lord of the Rings lore. Which she loved. If I had listened to that part of myself I would have held back and thought it was stupid, and my entire life would have gone differently.

k2helix ,

Now I want to hear about The Lord of the Rings lore

janus2 ,
@janus2@lemmy.zip avatar

I currently hate my body and don’t feel comfortable dating until I like it again, as dating involves finding others who like your body (and other things about you, but still)

I’m sure there are people who would want to date me in my current body as well as my future (hopefully improved) body, but I just can’t summon any confidence while I feel like this.

Obviously there’s some mental health problems I need to work on too. I’m fortunate to have decent psychiatric care at this stage in my life and am slowly progressing in that area, and trying my damnedest to ramp up body improvement efforts.

I went to the gym today, at least. :)

200ok ,

I feel this.

I don’t have any love for myself, let alone spare any for someone else.

MxRemy ,

To all of the people whose reasons are something self-deprecating about their confidence/appearance/personality/etc:

I’ll go on a date with you, if you want! ☺

CommissarVulpin ,

I hate myself, let’s talk!

MxRemy ,

I’m not like a huge fan of myself either, so there, we have a thing in common already lol

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

You don’t happen to live in the southeast, do you? 😏

MxRemy ,

Northeast, but I travel southeast usually at least once a year! How’s Lowe Mill in Huntsville sound for a fun date? 😉

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

It’s about 7 hours from me, so I’d need some advanced notice. But it’s doable. 😉

MxRemy ,

Sounds like it’s a date!

=°-°=

snownyte ,

I just don't think people like me for me and want to be with me because there's something of me and about me that they want to be around with. I can find something to be attracted to with almost anyone, but for some reason, it's the opposite with me.

z3rOR0ne ,

I’m an astoundingly selfish person, and unapologetic about it. Makes for having relationships, romantic or otherwise, pretty much impossible.

I’m middle aged, dated, had relationships in the past, etc., and honestly just don’t have the drive to make relationships work. I do the bare minimum to keep my professional relationships in tact, which honestly is exhausting enough, and otherwise just keep to myself. It’s so much easier than when I was trying so hard to pretend I was interested in where another person was coming from or what they were going through. Now at least that effort ends after I clock out for the day, and there’s less socializing where I work, so there’s less of those kinds of social expectations overall.

synapse3252 ,

Huh, reminds me of myself except the unapologetic part (maybe i’ll change over to that someday). I do feel like the selfish/stubborn part of me is insurmountable and incompatible with the types of relationships i envision for myself. Nothing else to contribute, just here to share my thoughts and/or commiserate

yuuunikki ,

Tbh I just think women would find my hobbies stupid

some_guy ,

Dating apps suck now. Thankfully, I met the right person and got rid of them.

Before smartphones, when comms on apps were more like emails, I had much better openings. I can’t be funny or interesting in a few sentences.

intensely_human ,

Better to have loved and gotten rid of, than never to have loved at all.

z00s ,

Nobody can. You get judged on your photos and the decision is already made before you type a single word. The conversation is just to find excuses to ghost

bionicjoey ,

I’m still figuring all this out but for me the biggest things were:

  • Dating app stuff. What to put in your profile, what to talk about when you match with someone, how to convert a match into an actual date
  • Confidence. After you hit 28 years old and still haven’t been on a single date it starts feeling more and more like there’s something wrong with you. I really had to work hard in therapy to kill that particular demon. The worst part is, you have to kill that demon or nothing will change. You can’t successfully find someone if you believe there is some legitimate problem with you that people won’t accept. And sometimes, there literally is something wrong with you that you need to correct.
  • Socializing. I’m autistic so a lot of the general rules of conversation, particularly how to have the kind of conversation that makes the other person enjoy talking with you, was really hard for me. I’m still working on this one, but at least for the time being I’ve gotten over the hurdle of getting a steady girlfriend.
HEXN3T ,
@HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Meeting people as crazy and wacky as I am outside of online spaces. Yay, someone from Australia likes me!

Gjolin OP ,

I find meeting people at all to be the biggest hurdle.

HEXN3T ,
@HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Yeah, I pretty much only meet people from connections anymore. I don’t remember the last time I actually met someone because I went out of my way to talk to them. It sucks.

nokturne213 ,

My wife.

Dadifer ,

You can date your wife

Qkall ,
@Qkall@lemmy.ml avatar

And should!

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