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Has there ever been a compilation of suicide notes, if so, where can one get it? And is it a good idea to get it?

I am not in a great place right now in terms of productivity and flourishing in my personal and professional life, and every time I waste a day, every time I do something that I enjoy at the moment but which is not productive, I feel ashamed.

I live in a country, where students sometimes end their own lives for not being able to get into their dream college or for not passing the exam that would have allowed them a job in the government bureaucracy, I have always thought that they were not ending their lives because they didn’t pass the exams, but they are ending it because they have indulged in activities which are not conducive to their goal of passing the exam so many times that they have given up on themselves and every time they spend a lot of time doing stuff which they might like to do in the moment but would regret right after they do it, their respect for self decreases a little more and when they get the sad news that could not progress towards their goals, they have not only failed as an aspirant for an exam, they have also failed as a person (for now at least)

i.e., As Dostoevsky states in C&P, “Your worst sin is that you’ve destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing”, even though I might indulge in activities that are pleasurable for me now, they add up to nothing and if I do this enough times, I will just give up and sometimes some people will give up on all not just their goals because they hate themselves so much!

I don’t want to end up like them (even though I feel pity for them, too bad there isn’t an afterlife for them where they can be happy) , so I thought I would whip myself into a frenzy by reading a complication of suicide notes, this is for me an interesting task, but it also serves a purpose of warning me into things that I should not do! And to be completely honest, if I can derive some utility/meaning out of suicide notes, I mean the exact things that advertise the meaninglessness and the ugly side of life, that’s pretty inspirational to me, I mean, it’s like a metaphor for life, trying to life despite all the ugly stuff. So, to come back to the question,

Has there ever been a compilation of suicide notes, if so, where can one get it? And is it a good idea to get it?

PS: Sorry if this comes out the wrong way, if you haven’t noticed, I am not that articulate. Also, I am alright right now, I am good, but I don’t want to end up in a real bad situation, so I am looking for what I should I avoid.

edit 2: I like this community, but I don’t have enough time to respond to everyone, but know that I am grateful and know that I have heard you! :)

ClassifiedPancake ,

I don’t think it would be a good idea to read those notes. These letters are written in a way to convince the reader that suicide is the only option and that seems to me a dangerous reading material for anyone who is not in a good place.

Subject6051 OP ,

I guess this comment makes more sense now, you are right, it’s probably not useful to read these messages. But, a counterpoint could be people who are in a really bad situation and are in that space make bad decisions.

i.e., It depends very much on how the person perceives the situation. I have heard of 16-year-olds offing themselves because of something really stupid, so maybe if we read suicide notes which are so obviously wrong in their approach, maybe that will help people realize that even though you think there is no way, there probably is one.

Also, I am not sure how often this is true. I don’t want to shit on people who have offed themselves by suggesting there were all dumb or something, I am pretty sure they had legit reasons most of the times. idk!

joaqonwater ,

As someone who has been on the receiving end of multiple suicide notes, I do not advise this. Essentially, you’d be reading the notes of someone’s mind who decided to make a permanent solution to what really is a temporary phase/situation in their life. On top of that, no context behind the why and the trigger behind the decision (ie undiagnosed bipolar, and the words are coming out as someone who is experiencing a reeeeally bad episode).

There’s a lot to explore with what you expressed, and I totally get and can relate to shame and what some note as Shitty Life Syndrome (aka SLS); life sucks and you can’t get a break. If you wanna chat or just vent, I’m happy to lend my ears and even share my experience of dark days along with people in my life who have taken the suicide route (5 individuals total).

As for your request, I recently came across Campaign Against Living Miserable (CALM) and their YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/) has tons of videos on those who have survived, and stories/videos of those who have not. You might find some solace there.

That’s my quick two cents. Feel free to reach out if you wanna chat more or if there’s anything you feel I can share, as this is an area I’ve had more life experience that I’d like, for better or worse.

intensely_human ,

Once when I was suicidal I got a lot of benefit from reading Hamlet’s soliloquy from Act 3, Scene 1:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover’d country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

Subject6051 OP ,

Thank you very much for that beautiful poem! starred it!

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