What do you think about adults that are still virgin (never had sex) do you see them as losers?

Onihikage , 6 days ago

As a fellow virgin, if you actually do want to not be a virgin, but see yourself as having “failed” then think deeply on what the reason is.

First of all, if you’ve “failed” then what did you actually try that failed? Do you constantly take steps to meet new people and find friends, male and female, whether in hobbies or online or anywhere? If not, why not? If you have, and therefore have lots of friends you speak with regularly, are you recruiting them to help you find a romantic partner? Meeting lots of people, making friends, and then asking those friends for help is a great way to accomplish almost anything. It’s much easier early in life, but it’s never impossible.

If you have taken steps to meet lots of people (and I mean a lot of people), but none of them or their single-and-looking friends wanted to date you, then did they give reasons? What is it about you that they don’t like? Are you taking care of yourself? Maintaining good personal hygiene? Dressing well? Do your peers find you unpleasant to be around? Are you simply boring? If you meet lots of people and all of them reject you, there’s likely something you’re not doing that you need to be doing. Work on yourself to be someone that people want to be around.

If any of what I’ve said here is relevant to you, even if it’s unpleasant to think about, it’s very important to be consciously aware of it so that you can accept that your current reality is one you’ve chosen, consciously or unconsciously… and that you can choose differently.

I’m one year younger than you, also virgin guy who would maybe like to have a partner, but through introspection and years of learning shit on the internet, I’m aware of the likely reasons I haven’t gotten one yet - I just don’t meet people, and when I do, even when we get along, I tend to fall out of touch immediately. I believe I likely have undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD along with some steep but situational social anxiety, both of which I know have and will continue to keep me from forming and maintaining many social connections that I otherwise could have, which I could be leveraging to find people to date.

So, I recognize what my stumbling blocks are, and that if I decide I really do want to find love and get laid, I have to deal with those stumbling blocks. For me, that will involve speaking to a head doctor and learning more precisely how my brain works and what strategies I can use to overcome those blocks. It’s not about fixing me, it’s about being able to be more me. But until I do that, I accept that my current status of “virgin, but maybe wants to change that” is there because I have, in some way, chosen up to this point not to change it.

If you figure out what your stumbling blocks are, or even if you haven’t, tell a close and trustworthy friend or family member about where you’re at, where you want to be, and how you feel about it. They might have options, or be able to help you take whatever steps you need to be where you want to be. If you feel like you just can’t make yourself do the thing, get someone else to give you a kick in the ass.

belated_frog_pants , 6 days ago

Virginity is a stupid purity construct. It affects no one but you and no one should care.

Have (consensual always) sex whenever in your (adult) life you feel like it or not at all. Some people are asexual and dont bother. Some people want it once a year. Some people want it 10x a day.

Its a personal thing and the real answer is:

Are you missing having sex? If so, what are you doing to be someone who’s worth having sex with? If not, yay, you have nothing to worry about and no one deserves an answer from you about it.

newtraditionalists , 5 days ago

Precisely this. Not to mention your premise about reproducing fails when placed in front of a large majority of the queer community. Childless gay man here, by choice. I am extremely pleased, some may even say fulfilled, with my choice to not reproduce.

Cube6392 , 6 days ago

So. You don’t need fixed. You’re fine. You’re going through life and you’ll figure out what works for you as you go.

That said, it does kinda seem like you have a misconception about what therapy is. Its not about making you fit in with the rest of the world. Its about helping you accept yourself, appreciate yourself, and love yourself for who you are. I won’t tell you to try it since you so specifically said you didn’t want people saying that, but I hope someone else reading this finds something to connect with on a journey of self love and self acceptance

Binette , 6 days ago

It feels kinda weird for me to weight in this question, but as an asexual, I don’t understand why people are so hung up on that.

To me at least, life is pointless, so I’ll do what I want! If you have any hobbies or things you wanted to try out, why not, yk?

FigMcLargeHuge , 6 days ago

Here’s the way I look at it. This is your life and you get to play it out as you please. It’s really none of my business to begin with, and I am not really sure how this would come up in casual conversation, so I am hoping to most people it’s just not even a topic. I have kids, I have friends that have kids, and even with that basic amount of knowledge we don’t sit around chatting about things like that. Don’t overthink this, and keep in mind that you make your own decisions. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean anything either. I have friends with no kids, and gotta say, sometimes I am a little envious. Wouldn’t change anything, but it’s nothing to feel bad about. Lighten up on yourself and just do what you want to do.

Gsus4 , 6 days ago (edited 6 days ago)

Nah, some people just have other priorities… and you don’t just have to sheeple through life like it’s a checklist driven by peer pressure to move onto the next stage… you’re fine.