If you’re scared of being gay you might actually just be gay.
In all seriousness though, everyone should get a hand bidet installed on their toilets ASAP. Once you squirt your asshole with water to clean the poop off you will immediately realize how disgusting you’ve been up until that moment in your life using only flimsy ass ass paper to wipe shit off your body.
I swear, Puritanism really did a number on North America.