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@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

xarvh

@[email protected]

Power reductionist.
No one above us, no one below.

Here to learn more about different life experiences.

Neurodivergent.

Working on my own programming language for games & interactive apps, https://github.com/xarvh/squarepants/, top priority is #accessibility, it's cool, check it out!

My profile photo is me hanging upside down at a child playground, wearing goggles and a bandana.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

alltagmitpsyche , to actuallyautistic German
@alltagmitpsyche@mastodon.social avatar

I have some questions around your meaning in life:

Why do you think it is good that you exist? What's your meaning around being here? What makes you go on each day?

Backstory: I've been mostly depressed for a long time and I'm currently making a major effort to step out of this. But whenever I try to find motivation to take better care of myself and move my life forward I end up with the questions above. I think there might be a major hole in the fabric of my soul ...

1/2

@actuallyautistic

xarvh ,
@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

@alltagmitpsyche @actuallyautistic I'll try to answer based on my experience.
I'm 43 and have been chronically depressed, including anhedonia, for 30.

Existential questions and motivations have improved a lot, by themselves, as my depression slowly (VERY slowly) regresses.
I have been trying everything under the sun and beyond to address my depression. Most things don't work, but some do, so my first suggestion is: keep searching.

Also, questions of life, death and existence have been more or less answered once I 1) had children and 2) lost my father.
You should probably not kill your dad or have children just for this, I'm just saying that some deeper experiences will lead you to more understanding.

Speaking of which, psychedelics might help.

Also, have a look at Buddhist philosophy.
You don't have to buy into its metaphysics (depending on the school) and their understanding of pain and existence is IMHO spot on on at least a few things.

In the end, try to focus less on yourself and more on whatever whole you can be part of (which is why all the suggestions about helping others are so good).

Uair , to actuallyautistic
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Video game recommendation?

The original Deus Ex, which I never beat, or System Shock, which I never played?

xarvh ,
@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic Did you try to switch Steam to console mode?
Console mode changes how controllers are used.

xarvh ,
@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic Ok, that's very much NOT what I was expecting to happen and no, I don't think you should flash your controller.
This sounds like a problem, but I'm afraid I know little about it. =(

xarvh ,
@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic Yeah, probably best.
Sorry you couldn't play. =(

xarvh , to random
@xarvh@functional.cafe avatar

Two different psychs now told me I have "autistic traits" significant enough to have fucked my life.
I'm functional enough that I don't qualify for state help, and won't be able to afford private care for a while, so I have to DIY.
Could anyone recommend resources on how autistic adults can learn to deal with the condition, especially when it comes to socialization?
Thank you <3


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