jeanoappleseed

theautisticcoach , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

What do my #ActuallyAutistic comrades need help with this week that the community can offer?

@actuallyautistic

jeanoappleseed , 10 months ago

@theautisticcoach I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression atm. I would like to interact with other autistic people. Maybe your upcoming Autumn workshops are the solution. I've been hoping to find some kind of group, support group, group therapy, not sure exactly, but interacting with people realtime, face-to-face. I’m not truly that social, but I do love people. I'm just not interested in partying and small talk the way a lot of people are. @actuallyautistic

CynAq , 10 months ago (edited 8 months ago) to actuallyautistic

Until I was 8-9 years old or so, I was under the impression that god and religion were abstract, philosophical concepts everyone used as practical metaphors. It made perfect sense as mythology and was seemingly culturally bound, different countries and languages having different religious traditions.

Then one day, I suddenly realized people were serious when they say they believed in god and they adhered to religion as a matter of faith.

That realization was, and still is, very shocking to me.

I now think being #ActuallyAutistic might have something to do with me not taking people seriously on their religious faith claims.

@actuallyautistic

jeanoappleseed , 10 months ago

@Vincarsi What you say here resonates with me. The way I was taught to be, including religion, charity, goodwill, etc. didn't prepare me for the real world and put me in a position where I could be exploited, though my Dad was terrified of exploitation (he was abused by clergy plus had polio as a child) so I had a lot of mixed messages that made things very confusing and difficult to figure out. So I was taught fear & in a way it worked. It was just very unhealthy. @CynAq @actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Conducted an experiment today, in asking for accommodation.
Hubs does his laundry Saturday, and I do mine on Sunday, but that means I'm cooking my lunches and doing laundry on Sunday - stressing me out. He's off on Friday, so I said dealing with both laundry and cooking each Sunday is stressful, and I'd like him to do his laundry on Friday. I'll do mine on Saturday.
He agreed. No argument, no hassle, he just agreed. Experiment successful.

jeanoappleseed , 10 months ago

@ScottSoCal Perfect! @actuallyautistic

spika , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

I've found myself caught up in a series of flashbacks this afternoon about a period of time where both my partner and I were having pretty frequent issues with meltdowns and flashbacks.

At the time when this was happening, I knew I was ADHD but had no idea I was autistic... In retrospect, with the knowledge that I'm also autistic I feel like how I was acting and reacting makes a lot more sense, but not knowing that at the time I felt like a monster because I was having meltdowns that were being triggered by his.

During that time period, there was a theme in his meltdowns where he'd start screaming things at me like "You wouldn't understand because you're a neurotypical!"

I know it was one of those automatic thoughts that isn't at all true but sometimes get said aloud during a meltdown and I shouldn't hold onto it or assign any weight to, but it was something that I experienced as hurtful and invalidating, and if I'm honest, I've had a hard time really forgiving.

Now, he hasn't done that in a meltdown for years now... but I feel like now that I've learned I'm autistic and am learning to accept that about myself... the hurt from being repeatedly told that for awhile has been coming up a lot more and has morphed into a weird sort of internalized ableist negative thought pattern that gets repeated in my head when I start to notice my autistic traits where I'll tell myself I'm not allowed to have a meltdown or to stim or whatever because I'm a neurotypical, and only autistics are allowed to do those things.

I don't want to be thinking things like that, because I know I'm autistic and I know that I'm allowed to unmask and embrace my autistic traits, but it's exhausting to have to convince myself that it's okay to be unmasked because I really am autistic.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

18+ jeanoappleseed , 10 months ago

@freda I kick myself a lot for my lack of composure when I face difficult situations. For a while, I really admired Julianna Margulies’ acting as "The Good Wife" because she faced adversity with such calm at times. But I’m not her or an actor. But if I'm so amazingly good at autistic masking, why aren't I better at pretending to be calm … @pathfinder @spika @actuallyautistic

18+ jeanoappleseed , 10 months ago

@freda …though to answer my own questions, I am amazingly good at pretending to be calm and that's where the problem lies, ie I work so hard at being calm on the outside when I'm not at all calm and that means that when I cannot take anymore and start melting down, it seems like I'm doing a 180º but I'm only exteriorizing what's inside that I can no longer hold back… @pathfinder @spika @actuallyautistic