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Saraphim

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Why does “come here” bother me so much?

Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can...

Saraphim OP ,

This is also part of the annoyance. He has no problem with interrupting me for whatever he thinks is interesting. I do sometimes feel like he treats me like the entertainment a bit. When he gets a new game, he doesn’t necessarily even want to play it himself first, he wants ME to play it and he gets to watch while I struggle and learn all the shit. I work a very intellectually demanding job and most times the last thing I want to do at 10pm on a Tuesday is learn a whole new thing. If I’m out and he wonders when I’ll be home, or if what I’m doing, or even has a thought he will call me. I’ve explained to him a thousand times that he doesn’t need to know where I am every second of every day, not because he thinks I’m doing anything, but because he just wonders and that curiosity must immediately be satisfied. It’s so stressful to be out with your fucking mom and he calls five minutes after you leave the house and then 10 more times over the next two hours just wondering when you’ll be home. Like, he can’t even wonder. He has to call me so I can give him an answer. It’s exhausting. My mother says it’s a control thing but I don’t think so. I think it’s an urge being satisfied thing.

Saraphim OP ,

I think it bothers me on a couple levels. 1- I feel he keeps me in unnecessary suspense and that’s unpleasant. 2- he participates in a lot of behaviours that are self satisfying. If I’m out he will call and ask what time I’ll be home and a thousand other questions no one else would ever ask, just because he was wondering, and he wanted those wonderings satisfied. It can’t wait until I get home, it must be the second he wonders about it. 3-he thinks I have the answers to all questions, and if I don’t know he expects I’ll be the one to find the answer instead of just googling it like a normal person.

I’m annoyed because it’s constant and habitual and anything that repeats that you find mildly annoying 5x a day for 15 years will inevitably become infuriating instead. Imagine if someone just poked you in the side 5x a day for 15 years. It doesn’t hurt. Doesn’t really affect your day. It’s just annoying and pointless. But after a while you’ll just snap and scream “why the fuck are you poking me ! Stop touching me!”

It’s like that.

Saraphim OP ,

This is a good point. I try to set boundaries and unfortunately he’s committed to the “big reveal”. I know he’s one of those people who likes to “share” life. If he sees something fascinating, he wants me to experience the same fascination so it’s like a surprise. If it’s bad he wants me to feel the same horror he felt when he saw it. Warning me would negate the reveal. We have talked about it frequently and he doesn’t know why he does it, he understands how it could be stressful for me, but can’t seem to break his pattern.

Saraphim OP ,

We have talked about it a lot. He recognizes it’s a weird behaviour but he can’t break the habit, so the childhood thought tracks. And I also think you’re right about the effort bit. He’s lazy by nature. If something needs doing and he doesn’t know how, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know how”. But when you’re a couple, and something needs to be done, anything shrugged off by #1 becomes the responsibility of #2. Which means instead of him having to learn it, I have to. Just google it dude. Watch a youtube video, like I’m going to when you wash your hands of it. It’s easier for me to learn something new than it is for him to learn something new which is bollocks. The only reason it’s easier is because it’s not his effort. Somehow in his mind learning something new is too hard on his part, but takes zero effort on mine. Like, what?

Saraphim OP ,

Oh no I have verbalized it. He acknowledges it’s inappropriate and keeping me in unnecessary suspense. But he doesn’t know why he does it so … shrug. He even apologized for it last night as soon as i said something about it (raccoons just sitting on the roof). It was 1am and I was dead asleep and he called me on my phone to wake me to come outside right away and see this. A 1am urgent call from outside the house when I’m dead asleep should be about someone being dead, not “there are two raccoons sitting on the roof of our sunroom.”

Saraphim OP ,

Are you sure your girlfriend isn’t my husband ? It’s just fucking annoying. Just tell me what you want. Or as he so condescendingly says to me when I’ve decided something isn’t worth discussing (he’s the king of talking things through until I see his point and agree with him) he tells me to “use my words”. The reason I’m not using my words is because it’s not worth the following 4 hour debate about how I should see things his way.

Saraphim OP ,

I’ve actually been completely transparent and honest. He and I have talked about it many times. I guess I’m here to hear other perspectives so that maybe I can verbalize the situation better in a way he can understand. He doesn’t know why he does it and I have a hard time been putting into words why it’s so bothersome to me. And if you don’t have a cohesive point, do you really have a point? And with no point there is theoretically no problem.

Saraphim OP ,

THIS! You’ll see. Why ? WHY?? Just tell me

Saraphim OP ,

Oh yes. But he has zero impulse control (because he practices none) so the second he thinks about something he wants to show me he does it again

Saraphim OP ,

Hmm that’s part of it. But I literally never know what I’m walking in to. About 2 months ago he was yelling “a little help here. Hurry. I need you.” He said those three things instead of “I cut my hand in the garage, bring a towel because I’m bleeding”. Nope he yelled at me vaguely and then acted annoyed when I didn’t hurry and he was clearly bleeding everywhere and then snapped at me to go get him a towel and move faster because it was an emergency.

Saraphim ,

I think he’s already ruined democracy and it’s just a slide into despotism at this point.

Saraphim ,

I got banned from Am I The Asshole for calling someone in OPs story a loser from highschool (90s version of a neck beard who thinks he’s gods gift to the world). Turns out one of the mods was that exact same flavour of loser.

I’m now permanently suspended for saying Andrew Tate deserved to get raped in prison and pointing out the irony of him objecting to house arrest when he was literally keeping people trapped in his house and was raping them. There were posts defending rape, but that was just sooooo offside.

8 years and 200,000+ karma.

Post was obv deleted by the mods (after 200 upvotes) so this is the best I got.

https://i.imgur.com/46IMgXn.jpg

Saraphim ,

This one infuriated me. The entirety of Reddit is just memes reposting. You son of bitch for doing the exact same thing everyone else was doing

Saraphim ,

I’m hoping the quality of the content will grow over time. I don’t even give a shit about porn but right now it’s like half this place is posts about wet pussies and subs about ass and it’s grossing me the fuck out. I’ve been curating so it’s getting better but still

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