I feel conflicted because the whole point of this while thing was that we could be on any instance we liked and it shouldn’t impact our “social standing”.
I don’t think that was ever the point of federation, especially with defederation as an option, specifically to deal with instances that don’t follow generally accepted morays.
It sucks that you’re going to have to abandon the instance you initially picked, but it happens to the best of us. I picked kbin initially, and abandoned that after a while due to the increasing toxicity, and the increasingly large lack of features or development by the one person doing it.