Also, I assume this is something where you don’t feel safe just leaving when your wife is there.
It helps me to understand what precisely is the mechanism by which this would go wrong, if you just told her “I’m leaving”.
Can you describe that? The reason why it has to be when she’s away?
Even if it’s psychological, it’s worth articulating.
I can connect you with people who run men’s groups online, if that would be helpful for you in establishing a support network.
The key thing to remember is that you are worth it. You’re worth causing trouble and making waves over. I’m willing to dedicate some time and energy to helping you. I don’t have much to spare. Mostly connections and knowledge are what I can offer though, moreso than time and energy.
I finally got out of a long relationship which I had thought was going to last until my death. I was resigned to an unhappy, unfulfilled fate. Then I got out, and boy has it been hard. But worth it! SO WORTH IT.
I am myself again. I would be honored, if this is what you need, to help you find that in your own life as well.