I agree that for most people tailscale isn’t selfhosted (except for the few with headscale). But Tailscale is easy to set up and configure, so I get why people love it.
And regarding the “antithesis of selfhosting”, I read on here constant recommendations for Cloudflare Tunnel, which might be a great service but also is the opposite of selfhosted.
Now I personally switched back to wireguard directly since I had battery life issues with ts. Using wg directly makes a few other things easier to set up in my network.
PS: A great feature of tailscale is it’s ability to create tls certificates for it’s domains, so bitwarden doesn’t complain about an insecure connection. This I could solve with dns-01 challenges, but then my router blocked the domains because of some attack vector. Now I have to manually whitelist them. TS makes this simpler.