I haven’t personally set it up yet but you can enter a custom self-hosted sync server in the desktop app’s settings. No need for an ankiweb.net account.
As for iOS, choosing a mostly unfree platform means you get the unfree experience and its consequences. Anki couldn’t even publish a copyleft app on the app store if they wanted to. See the $25 as the Apple tax ;)
For the free-ish mobile platform, there’s github.com/ankidroid/Anki-Android.