I recently learned that I have that typically autistic memory.
I can remember stuff very well. I usually don't reread novels because I know the good one almost by heart and remember the bad ones to vividly. I know so many random things, that family "uses" me as a Google or Wikipedia alternative. But I struggle to remember my childhood. I used to think it was a childhood specific thing, then I thought I voluntary forgot the "bad times" in my twenties. Then I listened (...)
(...) to a podcast about 9/11 but it could have been about any big event people usually remember in a very specific way. They remember many Many details, but everything in almost cineastic scenes and glimpses. Time shrinks and expants. A special kind of memory that stays colorful and fresh after years.
And I realized: it's not normal to only have these kinds of memories. Everything I remember from my life I remember like those 9/11 "where were you?" memories.
That includes my kids. That was the last thing to really convince me, that what to me is normal isn't for most people. I definitely didn't choose to forget the time my kids were very small, but the memory is slipping.
It maybe hard to understand for a NT person. I do know my life story. But that's the thing: I know this story. And I have troubles to identify a timeline - asked "when was that?" I need to check with facts I derive from the discussed occasion (...)
(...) like: what hairstyle I wore? If my bigger kid was already in school? Were we lived... I know these things but in a way I know my favorite novel. I don't feel it. I don't feel if something is long ago or yesterday. I know the day passed, I remind myself that's why I physically feel the,way I do. Without my wristwatch, without my daily routines, I'd float through space and time disoriented.
I know this sounds scary. I'm a writer I know a horror story (...)
(...) if I see one. But I assure you it doesn't feel scary to me.
This has always been my view of the world. It means for example that I see my husband every day as if I saw him for the very first time in ages (minus the longing). I never get bored of him. It means I can just talk to strangers and be as friendly as if I was an old friend - because I usually don't remember old friends and play it safe.
But it also means I sometimes hold a grudge because (...)
(...) the things I do remember I remember vividly and without a timeframe. So even things long ago feel fresh to me.
Luckily I usually don't hold a grudge and am very positive and accepting towards people.