I thought the average !programminghumor user is already FOSSpilled. Of course you don’t have to use the FOSS tools but they are convenient enough to be able to make this in 10 minutes.
Anyway, the relevant commands are
<span style="color:#323232;">yt-dlp -f </span><span style="color:#183691;">"bv*[height<=480]+ba"</span><span style="color:#323232;"> --no-mtime --convert-subs srt --write-sub https://www.youtube.com/watch</span><span style="font-weight:bold;color:#a71d5d;">?</span><span style="color:#323232;">v=9SOryJvTAGs
</span><span style="font-style:italic;color:#969896;"># aegisub needs srt; we don't need above 480p
</span><span style="color:#323232;">
</span><span style="color:#323232;">aegisub </span><span style="color:#183691;">"The B-52's - Love Shack (Official Music Video) [9SOryJvTAGs].en.srt"
</span><span style="font-style:italic;color:#969896;"># now go rewrite appropriate lines in gui, apply style and save as "LoveShack.ass"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">
</span><span style="color:#323232;">ffmpeg -i </span><span style="color:#183691;">"The B-52's - Love Shack (Official Music Video) [9SOryJvTAGs].mp4"</span><span style="color:#323232;"> -filter_complex </span><span style="color:#183691;">"[0:v]subtitles=LoveShack.ass[s];[s]crop=w=640[f]"</span><span style="color:#323232;"> -map </span><span style="font-weight:bold;color:#a71d5d;">[</span><span style="color:#323232;">f</span><span style="font-weight:bold;color:#a71d5d;">]</span><span style="color:#323232;"> -map 0:a -ss 49 -t 21 -acodec aac -vcodec libx265 -crf 20 crowdstrike.mp4
</span><span style="font-style:italic;color:#969896;"># crf 20 for generously high quality because file size is small anyway
</span>
I didn’t bother recreating your subtitle and cut timing but I did crop the video to 4:3. The frame rate is doubled and so is the apparent resolution, while the file size is 6x smaller.