Should I just quit urban and social life for a rural and lonely life?

klemptor , 9 months ago

You’re probably underestimating how much hard work it really is to live off the land.

grandel , 9 months ago

I don’t think OP meant to say it’s easy, but fulfilling.

SlopppyEngineer , 9 months ago

I discovered I’m bad at growing food and glad I don’t have to live off what I grow. That would be stressful.

HellAwaits , 9 months ago

Use water instead of gatorade for the plants. You’re welcome.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

I wanna pose this very kindly and politely because I know a lot of people are against it sadly but

By the way you’re wording things it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and you’re losing your grip/stable footing and you should take that very seriously. Stopping a mental breakdown when it finally happens isn’t going to be possible on your own.

There’s a few options for online if you’d prefer but therapy really isn’t that bad of an idea to try. It’s nice having someone you can get along with and be vulnerable with and have help you out with “shit that’s stuck in your teeth” as mine says.

Some stuff is too tough and is way too bitter to chew on our own and this world is infinitely bigger than you and will swallow you whole if you don’t fight for a life you want.

Stay healthy bro. Fight for yourself. We’re all rooting for your best health mentally and physically 💜

Edit: reworded the beginning of paragraph 2, I’m not a psychologist nor do I have the training to be calling out “textbook antisocial behavior” considering how long it takes to go to school to become a psychiatrist/psychologist

PostmodernPythia , 9 months ago

Therapy? As someone who’s benefited from years of therapy, therapy isn’t supposed to end rational responses when the world’s gone mad. I’m afraid far too many people confuse therapy with magic.

Entropywins , 9 months ago

Even if the world goes to complete and total shit...I'm still gonna talk about it and process it with someone.

PostmodernPythia , 9 months ago

That’s good and healthy. All I’m saying is that therapy won’t fix the problems underlying this. It can be useful in processing, but I’m tired of people acting like therapy will solve structural problems.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago

Considering you know nothing about the severity of this situation or validity of the situation outside of OPs current head space and know fuck all about therapy apparently, just stop. You’re possibly hurting someone.

PostmodernPythia , 9 months ago

Clearly, you didn’t read my post. Hard to spend years in therapy and not know fuck-all about it. I never said don’t go to therapy. I said don’t expect miracles. Therapy is good, but it’s not a solution to structural issues.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago

You’re making that assumption though. You are assuming that it’s only structural and nothing else. There is 0 harm in talking with a therapist.

I did read what you said, you just didn’t understand what I was getting at. I’ve got a feeling we’re on the same page here believe it or not

PostmodernPythia , 9 months ago

You said I know “fuck all” about therapy after reading and comprehending a comment where I said I’d spent years in therapy, and I’m the one with a reading comprehension problem? Sure, buddy.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago

Going to therapy doesn’t necessarily mean you understand. Bring it up with you therapist.

Show ‘em the post, what I said, and what you said with 0 changed and I bet we’d both stand to learn something from it.

Domille , 9 months ago

wanting to be alone is not an anti-social behavior… aggression and wanting to hurt people is… which the op is not expressing. Don’t know where you got this “text book antisocial behavior” definition from.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago

While I disagree with you about this being antisocial behavior or at least the precursor, I’m not a psychologist so I should refrain from using language like this as it’s misleading as “fact” when it’s just lazy vocab usage.

Appreciate the call out

KombatWombat , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

Without knowing more about your life, this kinda sounds like burnout to me. It is very common is tech fields especially. I would recommend trying to dial back on work if it’s killing your soul like this.

I worked at a high-paying dev job right out of college that consumed my life and put me in a very bad place mentally. I could not sustainably output what I needed to, and evetually I got fired. But walking out of the meeting I could not stop smiling from the tremendous relief I felt (this was when Covid was big so I had a mask on fortunately). It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was unemployed for a few months afterwards which is probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I didn’t travel or do anything noteworthy besides starting a small passion project. Finances weren’t an issue since I had a lot saved up and low expenses covered by unemployment.

After applying to places in no rush whatsoever and stressing my newfound appreciation for work-life balance in interviews, I ended up getting a job at a nonprofit government-adjacent company with full work-from-home and basically no time tracking. I make less but I can go through things at a pace I can handle and it makes a world of difference.

So if you have felt this way for a while I would recommend taking a break before committing to abandoning civilization. People with tech jobs like us tend to have options so don’t feel like it has to be misery or the wilderness. Because I can promise you there are places that will allow you to live as a human being. And it may just reignite your passion too. If you still feel like it after stepping away for a time, you can always escape society more dramatically later instead.

Also, I don’t want to diagnose you or anything when I don’t even know you but there could be some overlap with depression here when you lose passion for life and just generally become jaded at the world like this. Make sure you are communicating how you feel with people you feel comfortable around. Remember that things can always get better, although it sounds like you have been thinking about how to achieve that plenty already. But if things aren’t getting better, you might need to be the instigator for that change so I wouldn’t be afraid to go for it after exploring easier stuff first. Maybe just give camping a shot while you figure this out.

I didn’t mean for this to get so long, but your post resonated with me a lot I guess!

milkjug , 9 months ago

Thank you for sharing this. I felt this abit as I walked out on a job that paid handsomely but I had to deal with unrealistic expectations and a passive aggressive boss. I put in my two months’ notice and all my colleagues remarked that I looked like the happiest guy on earth.

I’m privileged to be able to call it a day and take a break, and I’m enjoying applying to various outlets with no particular rush to land something. I spend my days doing things I enjoy, going to the gym, spending time tinkering with my PCs, enjoying games as a patient gamer, etc.

Someday I also wish to follow in OP’s footsteps and retire to a rural community where I can see out my days in peace, without dealing with all the doom and gloom in the world right now. I’ve long mentally checked out of Earth and looking forward to sweet sweet forever-sleep.

KombatWombat , 9 months ago

Congratulations on escaping a bad situation! Stories like this have become all too common, but I think sharing how it gets better does some good. I honestly haven’t given much thought about where I want to spend my golden years, but financial independence is a big goal of mine.

And as for that last part, we’ll have eternity to appreciate the simplicity of death. I wouldn’t be too eager to be done with the world of the living when there’s a lot of cool stuff out there to explore and not much time to do it.

ShittyRedditWasBetter , 9 months ago

I think you probably don’t have any concept how difficult that is going to be and will likely hate your decision a few weeks into it.

It’s one thing to live like a hermit. It’s another to be a small farmer with zero experience or help.

ccunix , 9 months ago

Sounds like you need a holiday.

Rent a log cabin with no cell service for 2 weeks and see what you feel like when you get back.

Kage520 , 9 months ago

I like all the comments about burnout and addressing that. When I was in a similar mindset, I would dream of hiking the pct. 6 months on a trail where all I had to worry about was walking. Or I could take a 0 day and enjoy camp. Slow paced life. I even bought books and learned the equipment I would need. Spent vacations testing that equipment and adjusting to what I actually needed. I remember coming back from five nights out staying in a camping hammock and being amazed at the “palace” I live in comparatively.

I could go at any time I felt work was absolutely too much. I almost did. For some reason, having all that knowledge and feeling like I could go was enough of a mental break for me to carry on.

At least consider doing one of the long trails. It might address your burnout and give you the feeling of closeness to nature you are looking for. Maybe you will want to do a homestead after that. Maybe that hike will be enough. Worth a consideration anyways.

Puzzle_Sluts_4Ever , 9 months ago

So you are still in college? Where are you going to get the money to buy a few acres of land and all the supplies to do this?

Aside from that: I strongly encourage doing some day laboring at a nearby farm. Because unless you have even more expensive equipment and machinery, that is what you are going to be doing as a farmer.

Similarly, go camping for a week on one of your breaks. And bring a much thinner sleeping bag than you need for the climate. Obviously have a backup in the car, but that is what you are going to deal with if you are relying on cutting your own firewood (also, where are you getting that from?) and burning it. Same with food and supplies.

Look, we’ve all played Stardew Valley. Farming is a LOT harder than holding the X button down while hitting on the Hopefully Legal Trailer Park Girl. And it is a LOT more expensive than you would expect.

Rhynoplaz , 9 months ago

I’m more of a quirky barmaid type myself.

Swedneck , 9 months ago

What you propose is unfortunately just not realistic, it takes way more work and knowledge than you think to be self-sufficient and it’s almost certainly not possible without a rather sizable group of people helping each other out.

I would instead suggest finding a place to live where there’s a sense of community, where amenities and the workplace is within walking/biking distance and you have access to “quaintness” for lack of a better term. Basically the more it looks/feels like a medieval place the better, such places are viscerally enjoyable to be in. Doesn’t have to be rural at all.

A good shorthand indicator of places where you will most likely start enjoying life again is a lack of cars, it’s not necessary but it tends to imply these human-centric features.

laylawashere44 , 9 months ago

It’s much easier to be a recluse in a city of 20 million than a village of 2000, ironically enough.

Swedneck , 9 months ago

Exactly, and when you do choose to interact with others there’s an effectively infinite amount of communities to pick from, whereas in a small town you’re lucky to have a grocery store sometimes…

Zippy , 9 months ago

I would say you need a change. I suspect you have some level of depression and a change of direction can help. I think you will find living off the land not as peaceful as you think. Deciding to live a minimalist existence can be rewarding but doing so with zero basic amenities is brutal. Have no power and relying on your land for all your needs becomes tedious very fast. An extremely small percentage of people could successfully do that.

Possibly have you considered just moving to a small rural town and taking on more labor type of small work. Handyman stuff of your own comforts. Not sure of your skills but you would need to be a handyman if your thinking of becoming a hermit. Just one suggestion.

FlyingSquid , 9 months ago

Watch the PBS series Frontier House before you try it. Because multiple families- families, not just individuals- tried it for just one summer, spending the whole summer preparing for winter, and it was determined at the end that none of them would have survived the winter.

Harvey656 , 9 months ago

Grew up in the rural life, my class only had 53 people. Love nature, love the quiet. Hate the Trump loving people with half a brain cell. If you go to the hills, expect the fools. Just because you leave the fools in the city doesn’t mean you don’t get a whole new set of fools. The people near you are important, including your neighbors and if you can’t stand them it isn’t worth it.

Maybe try a temporary housing in a rural area to see if it’s actually for you.

betwixthewires , 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

It’s not lonely. You might think it is but it isn’t. I did a decade in the cities, bar hopping, out with friends, online dating, all that stuff. It was all surface level and dating was like crawling through a desert wasteland eating bugs for survival.

I met my wife and we started a family after I moved to the country. I met her organically, at a pool. I courted her the old fashioned, organic way, no conspicuous spending to impress, none of that bullshit, just good old fashioned being myself, being respectful but persistent, that kind of stuff. She’s an impressive woman in basically any way you can imagine.

To have a rich social life in the country, you need to 1) not move to a tweaker town, 2) move somewhere rich with the kind of people you like to be around (I don’t mean ideology, I mean age, sex, etc) and 3) go to places where people are and talk to them. Don’t judge. Outside of cities you don’t have to pay someone to go outside to do something, you just go outside and do it. Everything doesn’t cost money.

So if you are just sick of the materialism, the traffic, the constant expenses, the needless complexity, I’d say a small town is for you, ofc provided you pick one that isn’t full of 100 year old people or tweakers, and just go outside all the time and don’t be afraid to talk to people. If you like looking at the stars you’ll do just fine.

Kit , 9 months ago

Take a vacation.

Blapoo , 9 months ago

I’m a remote, veteran software developer who went slowly more rural throughout my career. I’ve also seen others do the same. Mixed results. Personally, I love connecting with nature, so right up my alley. But others love the urban scene.

Do some soul searching and make gradual changes towards ideal for YOU

sin_free_for_00_days , 9 months ago

Your college/university should have a mental health office/help. It might feel awkward, but make the call. It might help, it might not. You may go in expecting nothing and gain incredible clarity.

Don’t drop out, but take a sabbatical for a semester or year. Check with your school to make sure you can just jump back in when/if you want to. If you graduate first and then take time off, it will be hard to stay sharp and relevant for the job market.

If you end up living in Bumfuck, Nowhere, look into setting up a 12v battery system, with a couple solar panels and charge controller. Easy to store enough energy for days of 12v lighting. I do it on my sailboat quite often.

Binge Primitive Technologies on youtube.

metaStatic , 9 months ago

Primitive pottery is actually a woodworking channel, he just hasn't got enough iron to make a hammer yet.

elephantium , 9 months ago

Primitive…pottery? LOL!

I love the channel, but the guy is in the wrong part of the world for primitive iron-working.

stevedidWHAT , 9 months ago

He’s still tryin! Check out his last video (IIRC)

elephantium , 9 months ago

Oh! Did he just post a new one? Off to YT to check…

FarceMultiplier , 9 months ago

I don’t understand where you are on that point. He’s in Australia, and their biggest export is iron ore concentrates. He’s got all the things he needs for primitive iron.

elephantium , 9 months ago

Huh, TIL. I thought Australia was relatively iron-poor, but you’re right about its exports.

Looking up Australia’s mineral resources, it looks like iron mining mostly happens in Western Australia. But Primitive Tech is filmed in Queensland, IIRC.

Regardless of where you find iron ore, he’s harvesting iron bacteria from a creek with limited success. It’s interesting to watch, but it sort of feels like “Here’s 56 ways not to start the Iron Age.”