I had a similar relationship with my father. He was an alcoholic. These days I don’t have much of a relationship with him. I recognize that he’s a better person now that he’s older, but I don’t really see him as “dad”. Just “father”.
My mom sometimes asks if I will regret not spending more time with him. Honestly, I’m not sure I would. I don’t have many fond memories with him at all. It’s weird saying this knowing that I have a father who loves me in his own way when others might not have one at all.