The only ‘tankies accusing’ anything I saw in the convo were people mentioning that “marriage is a patriarchal institution”, which I don’t see how that is calling you a transphobe even if you disagree. Someone did mention trans people don’t care about marriage because they are being murdered, maybe that is what you are referring to, it really didn’t come off to me like anyone was calling you a transphobe but maybe I’m wrong. I didn’t see anyone say that you couldn’t be married, or that people can’t enjoy having a marriage, to me that is separate from critique of marriage as a patriarchal institution. But yeah, I don’t know why anyone would defend a state for anything. That’s part of why I do feel the need to engage with more ‘state-friendly’ socialists, to figure out what about it seems necessary to them, or if there is some greater flaw with my anti-state belief.