how the heck do I find out more about DE’s and which distro they are compatable with.
All DEs can be run on all mainstream distros.
appear to be the same visually.
It’s just the default theme + icon packs. You can configure any DE to looks very similar as other DE, if you use the same icon pack + themes + wallpapers.
I should mention that I have zero interest in the window manager or tiler or whatever they are called. To me, they are super ugly and very confusing to understand :)
Spoiler: all DEs using a window manager, so all DEs are super ugly for you…