Love this. It’s related to one of the reasons I have recommended NixOS more often than I would have expected (not, however, as often as Fedora, Mint, etc.): if you’re heading into a new way of using a computer anyway, why not go with something that forces you to abandon assumptions and learn something truly new? With the side benefit of effortless rollbacks if something you fiddle with goes horribly wrong. :)
But, no, at risk of violating rule #1 in your post, just pick a distro, don’t worry too much about which, pick a desktop environment, don’t worry about which, use the machine, and if you have a negative experience only then remember that you can try another desktop environment, distro, etc. Eventually you’ll get to a distrohopping phase, but until then it’s just software and a computer is just a tool.