Honestly it’s not that bad yet. I just started having regular suicidal thoughts after years of not having them or not regularly having them.
There were times where I was pretty close but in the end I wanted to know what the future brings and didn’t do it. Basically, realizing that I had a friend whom I can trust saved me.
Just recently I said that I’ve never been happier in my life and now it all comes crashing down on me. I did some stupid and some in high sight fucked up shit. I might go to prison and if that happens I’ll probably do it. It’s not even that bad and I’m just 19 so I’m probably overreacting.
Also: basically all my friend have pretty strong depression and might kill themselves at any moment. I don’t know how I would live with that.