The author has snippets of her book here. But, they’re a bunch of funny stories throughout her life and how she’s been dealing with depression. I’ve read it multiple times and I love the book.
Here’s a quote from the website:
What kind of stories are in it?
Of the new stories, there are two new stories about my dogs, a story about a letter I wrote to my future self when I was ten, a story about the use of fear and shame as motivational tools, a story about the time my mother tried to take my sister and I on an adventure and ended up getting us all lost in the woods, a story about all the illogical internal rules I have for how reality should be and what happens when reality doesn’t give a shit about my rules, a story about a toy parrot, a story about a lie I told as a child that spiraled completely out of control, a story about my identity and how I use it to prevent myself from realizing how shitty I actually am, and a cautionary tale about what happens when you try to fix everything about yourself all at once.
I learned the first one early on, happiness is a bit of an adult fairytale, like Santa Claus. You’ll always end up reaching for something new, and you realize you rarely gain satisfaction for the stress. I also found this meme really summarized the problem: https://i.imgur.com/omNwHL0.jpg
I am seeing a psychiatrist, currently in between changing my medications. I have CPTSD and MDD. The previous comment was, what I assumed was an obvious joke, as I spend enough time focused on this as is.
Sorry to hear that, but I think we all reach that point eventually. Like my vocal subconscious and competitive nature makes it any impossibility, I’ve basically heard the song from Annie, Anything You Can Do when I have to do something lol. Lately getting older forces me to see to accept I can’t will myself to live forever and the inevitability of time. But that’s something everyone has to accept, just have to hope society will make it an easy transition. 🥴
You know when in movies and shows they add some sort of short scene of what could’ve happened if such or such thing happened. I have hyperphantasia and it’s like that for me but instead of being useful am in constant panic because my brain project in my eyes the worst case scenario of any slightly dangerous situation like it’s really happening. It sucks.
I do that, but I assumed it was more anxiety. It used to take roughly an hour to fall asleep, but that’s cut down due to a memory ritual I have that keeps me to preoccupied. It’s a little silly, but I rebuild the entirety of the city of Balmora from Elder Scrolls 3, in my imagination/mind’s eye. Building it item by item and have to hold each item in view as I add more.
That’s hyperphantasia. My brain too take me on weird adventures before sleep, but for me it can happen without any control over it like some sort of flashback. It doesn’t last long, like a 2-3 seconds . When kid i always had this sort of hallucination that would happen randomly where i open a door very slowly and in the other side is some sort of library and in the center a huge hourglass spinning. All happening in slow motion.
I’ve actually been achieving this exact same thing when I try to sleep at night by smoking CBD before bed. Literally one hit and my mind is completely empty then I just fall asleep within minutes. Such a fucking life saver.
CBD is great! I used CBD flower and a Dynavap to quit smoking cigarettes and I’ve been smoke free for years. Less stressed out too.
Meditating is another good way to quiet your mind, but that takes more time and practice. Still worth it though IMO. Same for exercise, even if you’re just going on walks or something.
I exercise like there is no tomorrow. I lift like a maniac and walk between 2 - 5 miles in the park 4 days a week. Still have so much shit to think about at night. CBD is THE life saver. I have literally been struggling with sleep my whole life :(
There are two kinds that I know of. There is upper and downer. Upper is indica and downer is sativa. You need to try both and see what works best for you, as each one works different on different people. Downer made me stress a lot. I couldn’t continue with it. Upper relaxes me a lot and I don’t stress. Try both and see which is better for you.
Which is a conundrum when the subconscious is naturally very vocal. It was once a boon in school or general memory retention, but now it’s like a ghost.