Don’t take this lightly, friends. I was already rounded up by the LGBTQ-agenda and dragged to Quantico for questioning by drag queens and people who identified as cats. There was literally a litter box in the corner of the interrogation room. A bit awkward, really.
Then they beat me up and made me kiss men while they oiled me up for a sensual massage. The horrors!
I finally ratted on a few friends who are straight and they let me go so long as I promised to suck dick from now on. It’s gonna be tough telling my partner she has to move out eleven months of the year, but I can’t go back. My apt is now painted in rainbows for safety. Surely, they won’t black-bag me and disappear me when they see that, right? Can night vision goggles make out the colors of the rainbow? They can’t? Oh, shit…
^^ This was all /s, of course.
Happy pride month, everybody! Let’s throw it in their bigoted faces.