It’s simple, really. When you were born, the government rented a million steam carpet cleaners in your name, which you can now use to pay off your credit card debt, by writing the serial number of one of the carpet cleaners in the “pay to the order of” section of your bill and mailing it to your landlord via a certified letter. However, this only works if the last two digits of the serial number are written in red ink, and if your landlord flies a gold fringed flag in the back of his pickup. Or, wait, maybe it’s if he doesn’t fly a gold fringed flag. I don’t remember. Anyway, if the judge has a large dog that sheds a lot, and thus has a strong need for a carpet cleaner of their own, they may choose to waive the red ink requirement, but this can also only occur if you have exactly 4 silver stars on your License To Travel, which is a document that you obtain from that sketchy tweaker who works at Kinkos. He will only print these on his lunch break, if his supervisor isn’t watching. Luckily, he also accepts payment in government-rented steam cleaners, though he’s not really very happy about that, because word got out and now he has like a hundred steam cleaners in his garage that he doesn’t know what to do with. So you have to make sure he doesn’t spell your name incorrectly out of spite. Note that spelling your name “incorrectly” is, in this case, actually spelling it correctly per your state-issued birth certificate, because you fucking told him to spell it in all caps and follow it up with “, LLC”, damnit Jimmy you’re going to get me arrested again, what the fuck, you stupid tweaker, can’t you do anything right?! I’ll get you your goddamn meth, just shut up and print the fucking thing like I told you to, Jimmy.