They could stay on Lemmy.ml but you said yourself that you’re “tired of people making choices for you”. Im not sure how you thought using someone else’s server works. They own it, they can do what they want. Isn’t that how right leaning Americans want it? The thing about Federation is that even John Q Citizen can spin up their own Instance. Noone is forcing you to use someone else’s Instance and be bound by that Instances rules. Own your Instance server you can make the rules.
Also, your you of “You people” is disingenuous because what makes you think this is my only account, on the only server. There’s nothing saying I can’t have accounts on every public server. Because, as mentioned, I am free to not agree with an admins choices and noone is forcing me to stay on one Instance.
And your last - part you can! Own your own Server Instance and you can Defederate all you want! You cN even launch your own Communities identical to the others to not miss out on content you do want to see.